antler_big.jpgThe Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
27. I’m a virgo – and it shows. I work in TV production (at MTV right now). Also I’m a stand up comedian, I work with a sketch comedy group, The Royal We, and make movies with my short film collective, Collar’s Up. I grew up in Brookline, Mass and went to Barnard. Lived in NYC for 10 years. I live in Chelsea now.

Three for You
1. You worked the intensely-choreographed, history-making Super Bowl halftime show for MTV this year. Does anything crazy happen at those things behind the scenes?
A lot of crazy things happen behind the scenes. Like one time our craft service guy, aptly named Craft, got punched in the face by a ghost. TWICE. And lived to tell about it.

And one time, this PA, got stuck in a cardboard box and wriggled out of it. And then this other time, we totally put a picture of our computer support guy on every computer as a screen saver.

And then this one time I met a white rapper and we totally invented a party so he would come and make out with me. And he couldn’t because of some associations with some anonymous groups. It’s private. He told me all about it.

And then another time I smoked too much “organic tobacco” and thought my sister wanted to make out with me...and worse, that the feelings were reciprocated. She didn’t call me for a week.

2. Chronologically speaking, you took a job at the Howard Stern show after being laid off from Oxygen, the women's channel. Could you describe that transition?
The transition was sort of like leaving a sleepover party with your really supportive girl friends who love hearing the minutiae of your life, and walking straight into a locker room of men watching Girls Gone Wild, and making fun of midgets while farting. I was having a tough time and spent much of it crying in the Howard Stern prop closet. At one point, I looked up from my tears and saw a bin labeled “Masturbation Devices.” A harbinger of things to come, one of those devices was an influential “cast member” of Girl Dick Movie.

3. Besides the MTV day job, you mention stand-up comedy, sketch group performances, and a film collective producing festival-worthy shorts like "Girl Dick Movie." Where do you find the time to do normal things like, say, cat-sit for a friend?
Cat sit for a friend? Look, just because my ex’s cat still lives with me is not my fault! I love Zoe. Some people might be a little skeptical of this statement, but I love everything I do. It’s a crazy life with little time left over for myself. But doing stand up is kind of like being alone, just alone with 60 drunk people who I don’t know and can’t see because there’s lights in my eyes. And who sometimes don’t think Pilgrims are as funny as I do. I wouldn’t trade my lifestyle for anything...except maybe a pool boy named Carlos.

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
9pm, Wednesday - what are you doing?
I’m with the other female member of the Royal We harassing people in some bar on the Lower East Side. We’re like roommates who live in different apartments!

What's your New York motto?
Take your pick:
If you can’t get there in cowboy boots I’m not going.
If it’s not at Dallas BBQ it’s not anywhere.
You can always find a better cupcake; Keep looking.
Tip your salmon, eat your waiter.
What the fuck is this?
I don’t want the pasta pizza.

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
My celeb experience didn’t happen in NY. It happened in LA when I was 20. I was interning at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Conan O’Brien, who happened to have gone to my high school, was a guest on the show. Innocently, I went to talk to him about high school and the fact that we both have red hair and freckles. It was my 4th day on the job. I was fired. Forlorn, I worked the rest of the summer as a waitress at a Chinese restaurant, locking myself in the bathroom and eating chocolate dipped fortune cookies to drown out my pain. I was writing a column that fall for the Columbia Spectator and wrote one about the experience. Through a bizarre series of events, entitled “other people read my stupid column” the story ended up in the tabloid “the GLOBE” with a huge picture of me juxtaposed (through the use of a dramatic “zig-zag”) with one of Jay Leno (this is so true.) It is my mother’s proudest moment. I have since learned to keep my mouth shut. (this is not true). I’d do it again and this time I’d slip Coney my digees.

Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
When some frat boys were harassing my friend Laura and I after a party and they asked us if we knew their friend “Jenny. Jenny Craig?” All we could come up with as a retort was Me: Thanks. Her: Thanks a lot. (Not only that but I was wearing Steve Madden heels.) Did someone say torte?

Where do you summer?
In my mind, with Carlos my pool boy in Italy. For reals, in my apartment.

Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time?
My mom and my dad.

What was your best dining experience in NYC?
Picnicking at the West Side Highway park during the blackout with a rotisserie chicken and 40’s from the only supermarket that still had power. We made friends with some folks near us who had brought their mirrored shower radio. It was magical in that New York way.

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
Every time I come to LA I hit another car. The most recent I backed into a comedian’s car and then was so nervous and stressed that I backed my own car into a wall.

The End of The World is finally happening. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
I’m going to have an eating contest BY MYSELF at Krispy Kreme (winner takes SWAN title), finally adopt one of those cute kitties or puppies in Union Square, eat some Chinese egg cakes from Chinatown, play mini golf at that place that I haven’t gone to, buy that stuff in that store in SOHO, pants the Naked Cowboy, throw a rock into the window of a Tasty D, eat my favorite thai food order – red curry with chicken and pineapple fried rice, get the pasta pizza, feng shui the shit out of my apartment. Oh, and tip my doormen.

More info on the comedy stylings and bed-wetting habits of Lauren Antler can be found at her website.