We've already made our feelings perfectly clear about this unwanted movie adaptation of On the Road, which, judging by the trailer, looks sort of like Twilight meets Forrest Gump. But since today is Jack Kerouac's birthday, we might as well take this opportunity to give thanks that he died long before this misguided bastardization slouched toward us. The trailer "dropped" a few days ago, and just as we suspected, the stoic Garrett Hedlund of TRON: Legacy fame is just spectacularly miscast as the jittery thrill-chasing legend Dean Moriarty (a.k.a. Neal Cassady).

No. Here is the real deal, as seen last year's documentary Magic Trip, about Ken Kesey's famous 1964 road trip, during which an older Neal Cassady served as driver and narrator. Check him out at the one minute mark ranting about Kundalini. (The voiceover is dubbed, but the body language says it all.)

If that's how Cassady rolled in the '60s, it stands to reason he was even more manic at the time that Kerouac kicked around with him while writing On the Road. So why are we watching laconic downer TRON dude mope around in this preview? Neal was crazy about bop, not biodigital jazz, man.