Jerry Seinfeld: A godlike celebrity whose vast, incalculable wealth is matched only by his incredible freedom from having to give a f*ck. As such, he makes for an easy and attractive target for bloggers when we need to crank up the ol' Outrage Machine to pump in the page views. And so there was a brief flutter of fist-shaking from Gawker last night after an interviewer asked Seinfeld about a perceived lack of diversity on his web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee:

"People think it’s the census or something," Seinfeld said, referring to his series of interviews with comedians in various cars. "This has gotta represent the actual pie chart of America? Who cares? Funny is the world that I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested. I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that."

To the untrained eye, Seinfeld appears to be saying he couldn't care less whether a potential guest is male or female or black or white—the important quality to him is that the person is amusing. But let Gawker translate that into Pageview for you: "[Seinfeld] seems to suggest that any comedian who is not a white male is also not funny..." IS THIS SEINFELD'S MICHAEL RICHARDS N-WORD MELTDOWN?

Now, you might think that Gawker's interpretation is a brazen distortion of Seinfeld's rather specific point about how casting his web series has different demands than, say, arranging the seating chart at the United Nations General Assembly—but you probably aren't familiar with Chartbeat. Chartbeat, to the uninitiated, is a giant, coal-and-kitten-blood-powered factory located somewhere in the middle of Death Valley that counts up every single precious little click on websites like Gawker in order to calculate each blogger's exact worth as an employee.

Chartbeat knows that the Internet loves a headline like "Who Cares" About Diversity in Comedy, Says Jerry Seinfeld." Don't worry, Chartbeat's machines don't track abstract notions like truth or accuracy, thank GOD. Ironically hyperbolic headlines like "Jerry Seinfeld Is The Devil Who Hates Minorities, Women" can also perform well, while also enabling a blogger to milk the Outrage Machine's page views while perched astride the lofty high horse of media criticism.

Seinfeld apologists, of course, may point to Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee guests such as Sarah Silverman, Chris Rock, and Tina Fey, but let's not forget that in each of those episodes, Seinfeld either rolled out of the car moments before it mysteriously careened off the edge a cliff or spent the entire car ride farting audibly with the windows rolled all the way up. Seinfeld did this to punish his black and female guests for being so unfunny.

To be sure, the issue of diversity in comedy (and in all facets of our society) is important, and moderator Peter Lauria was smart to ask about it. Even a white male writer like myself—who, full disclosure, will only read blog posts written by other white male bloggers—can see that. And as awkward as it is to defend Jerry Seinfeld, who at this point is probably too rich to be as funny as he once was, sadly there's just not enough for the Outrage Machine to work with here. (So why is this even being mentioned? LOL, you skipped over that Chartbeat explainer, didn't you?)

But because my patriarchal white male perspective automatically negates my opinion about any of this, I turned to comedian Jerry Mouse for his perspective on Seinfeld's remarks. (You may notice that Mouse is not white—that's because you're racist.) In an email, Mouse says, "I believe that Jerry has the right to be friends with and promote whomever he chooses not because they reach some demographic but because they bring the funny. I think Jerry is hilarious because his way of explaining his outlook on the world is what I relate to. Same goes for Martin Lawrence and Bill Burr. Not because they are Jewish, Black, or Ginger."

So let's put this whole thing behind us and savor the sweet cookie of Clinton-era harmony.