2007_01_jackieclarke.jpgJackie Clarke is super terrific and up to lots of stuff! She performs Improv at the UCB with Death by Roo Roo, hosts a variety show with Julie Klausner, and is doing plenty of writing and video projects. In this interview, we discuss candy, dessert islands, NASA, radio, and her many endeavors all while showcasing her quick wit!

They say blondes have more fun, but what about redheads?
Redheads have a lot of fun. Look at Ann-Margret for God's sake. She's always braless and hopped up on coke. I mean that is pretty much near perfection, fun-wise.

What do you think of Clark bars?
I have never eaten a Clark bar. Occasionally someone will call me "Clark Bar" (even though "Clarke Bar" would be more accurate). I had to look up on Wikipedia what was in a Clark bar. I found out that a Clark Bar is part of the NECCO (New England Confectionery Company) family of candies. According to NECCO's official website, the Clark Bar is a "chocolatey coated peanut butter crunch candy bar." The website also cites the name of an employee's pet chinchilla, Clark Can't, as an early inspiration for the name. "Clark Can't" seems like a really negative name for an animal.

Anyways, I digress. Clark Bars seem a little white trash too me. They're for people who can't afford a Baby Ruth.

If you had to change your last name to match your favorite candy, what would it be?
Jackie Skor. Right now I am really into Skor Bars and Chunkys - I think I'm on a vintage candy kick. I picked Skor as my favorite because I didn't want the answer to be "Jackie Chunky."

What would you bring with you to a dessert island?
I love this question. It's very Leonard Lopate Survival Kit!

Suntan Lotion 45 SPF: I am Irish and fair-skinned. I would be the type to die on a desert island, not of starvation or being attacked by a boar, but of sun poisoning. Then the usual: food, magazines, a boat, the internet, condoms, a pair of Converse All-Stars, bread pudding, gay people, regret, a deck of cards, a butt-load of Lynda Barry comics, a DVD of "Showgirls," my Sidekick 3, Lip Fushion lipgloss in Nude, "The Book of Lists," an I-pod that can be charged by sunshine, a dwelling and my nephew.

How would you deal with the cannibalistic natives?
I don't want to toot my own horn too much but I really have a way with freaks. Many many many clinically insane people, retards, drug addicts and general malcontents find me pretty charming and have borderline stalked me. I'm going to assume my "way with freaks" will extend to cannibals and we will find a common ground and they will make me their Queen.

In what way, if any, would you try to enlighten these Godless savages?
I'd show them "Liza with a Z" and "The Apple."

Are you a fan of National Geographic magazine?
I haven't read it in a long time. My father used to get it and two covers really stand out. One was a hologram eagle. The 80s were really big for holograms and there was even this rumor at my grade school that Tom Wopat, who played Luke Duke in the "Dukes of Hazzard" was not a real person, and was actually a hologram. (I would love to know if any one else has heard of this rumor.) The other cover I was obsessed with was about Broadway. It was a photo-essay on Broadway, from where it starts in the Bronx to where it ends in lower Manhattan. It was fascinating. One page a crack den, one page Shubert Theatre, and one page the Flatiron Building. It was bliss. Especially the crack den. Why is sin so appealing to children?

What far off and exotic places would you like to visit and why?
I am dying to go to this commune/thrift store on Staten Island. I think it is called Ganas. Also Spain and Greece. I only like traveling to places where I can buy vintage dresses or constantly eat and drink.

If you could go to the moon, what would you like to do there?
I don't know if I am a "moon" sort of girl. Traveling to space seems a lot like giving birth - painful. And you get no baby at the end.

What sort of suggestions would you like to make to NASA?
More products like Tang, Velcro, and Teflon!

Did you ever want to be an astronaut growing up? What sort of aspirations did you have as a child?
I am female, so I never went the astronaut route. The female version of astronaut is, unfortunately, a nurse. I was a humble kid with a rocky family life. I think when kids are from a dysfunctional family they have really banal dreams like "bunny slippers" or "a Thanksgiving not interrupted with the revelation of illegitimate Filipino kids."

Was radio something you had an interest in? How'd you get involved with radio?
Radio was a little accidental. Like a guy you notice but would never date until you get drunk and make out and you're like, "Wow! Radio!"

Jake Fogelnest was working at FNY (92.3 FreeFM) as a DJ when they made the switch to an all-talk format. The then Program Director, Mark Chernoff, decided that Jake should be paired with a woman and Jake brought me in and "The Jake and Jackie Show" was born. That show was a ton of fun, but a little stressful and exhausting. We were working from 11pm-3am. The show was canceled after 4 months but Mark Chernoff kept me around. I got to do radio with crazy people like Danny Bonaduce, Sid Rosenberg, Crazy Cabbie, and Nick DiPaolo. I got to interview Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton. It was fun! In November, FNY switched program directors and the new PD has been able to resist my charms. I haven't been on FNY since then.

If a radio producer were reading this right now, what would you say to them in order to convince them to get your own radio program?
I have big boobs and a submissive laugh.

Would you have time for a radio with your various projects right now?
I would. I really fell in love with radio. And you have to love it because the pay isn't great and it is an incredible amount of work. But it was a dream for me. It's an immediate form and I love how interactive it is. Every time some bananas story comes out I'm a little bummed out that I can't go on air and start being an insane person. I was telling a friend last night that right before the "Jake and Jackie Show" was canceled I was all set up to go to some kids prom. It started as a bit - every high school kid I would talk to I would ask if I could go to his prom. Then a kid named Matt asked me to his prom and I was so excited! But then "The Jake and Jackie Show" got canceled and what was once fun seemed creepy without a radio show.

What are your different projects/shows?
Death by Roo Roo : Your F*cked up Family. Improv Comedy Every Friday night at 11 pm at UCB Theatre. We interview someone in the audience and improvise a form based on their family.

Obsessed with Julie and Jackie ;My variety show based around the theme of obsession with the adorable Julie Klausner . Past guests include Fred Armisen, Janeane Garafolo, Seth Rudestky, Cintra WIlson, Eric Drysdale. Our next show is Feb 20th.

My normal blog and my graffiti blog .

I'm doing a lot of writing. I have an idea for a new show I am trying to work out in between bong hits. Julie and I expanding our empire into short films and blogging. Eliot Laurence, from Guile , and I just shot a few shorts that are being edited as we speak. John Flynn and I are talking about doing a sequel to "Showgirls: The Best Movie Ever Made. Ever!" And, as always, looking to find a way to transfer all of this into something that pays me money. My brother has a good attitude about it; he says I am "working on spec."

What do you like to do after a performance?

I generally like to find a group of people who feel like complimenting me. Or have a glass of vodka.

Make Jackie your MySpace friend and visit her blog to keep up with all her funventures.