According to a complex and thoroughly discredited scientific formula involving weather conditions, debt, and the amount of time it took you to ditch your New Year's resolutions, January 6 is the Most Miserable Day Of The Year. Have you done your Blue Monday shopping yet?
The other 359 days of 2014 will be fine—great, even. You just need to get through today, and there's still time to show your loved ones that this is possible, so long as you buy them something.
VICTORIAN MOURNING ATTIRE
Put on your kid gloves and sweetly stroke those Death Masks. You'll need lots of lace and furtive glances to help you ride out this Blue Monday. Ebay's got you covered.
COLLAR STAYS
You want to keep your job, don't you? The only thing you have in the world? Yes? Well you'll need your collar to stay extra sharp, and there's no better gift for that than these tiny plastic arrows.
BLU-RAY, ANY BLU-RAY
This is the easiest and arguably most thoughtful gift, because when a present is a pun, it's a present for everyone. Eh? Eh?
COLD SPAGHETTI
There's nothing that livens the blood and deadens the ache quite like cold spaghetti. It's not cold enough unless the noodles hurt your teeth.
Cheer up! It's almost scotch and guacamole season.
