Ever wonder what really goes on behind the scenes with the Creator of the Universe? You're in luck—God is about to release his telleth-all memoir “The Last Testament: A Memoir by God,” written with a little help from co-author (and former head writer and exec producer of The Daily Show) David Javerbaum. As his publisher puts it: "It's the ultimate celebrity biography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and 'worshipers,' but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence."

As can only be expected for a memoir of such magnitude, its publication has not come free of controversy: Walmart is refusing to sell the "blasphemous" tome, a decision to which God's earthbound counterpart Javerbaum remains relatively nonplussed: "What makes me angry is the way they have come into small towns and systematically bankrupted thousands of small Mom ‘n’ Pop bookshops who, had they been given a chance, would also have not stocked the book," he said.

To get your burning questions answered, head to 92YTribeca on November 17, when Javerbaum and God will sit down with Ira Glass to share the greatest stories behind the greatest stories ever told. You can also keep track of God through his frequently-updated Twitter, @TheTweetOfGod.

So, do you have an editor? Who do you bounce ideas off of? Everyone needs a little constructive criticism. Ostensibly, Mr. Javerbaum was My editor and idea-bouncer-off-ofer. But in reality he did little more than transcribe My words and do occasional mirth punch-up.

How long did it take you to write this memoir?
Six months. Let Me guess thy follow-up: “But it only took thee six days to create the world.” Listen, writing a memoir is a tall order. Even for superior authors. I mean Marilu Henner is a very smart woman and a fine actress, but hast thou read her 1994 book By All Means Keep on Moving? Lo, there is no other way to say it: It’s just not that good.

You're touring. What's on your rider? I have four riders, and when thou seest them gallopin in the skies overhead thou shalt know their nature well enough.

The Rapture: Coming next week or next month? As it says in the book, the Rapture is coming on December 21, 2012, in accordance with the prediction of the Mayans, on whom I have always had a bit of a “people crush”.

Do you consider yourself part of the 1% ? No. I am the 0% that both the 1% and the 99% believeth would make a difference in their struggle, when in reality... well, thou doest the math.

Is there anything you can't do? Like, make a stone so heavy you yourself cannot lift it? PARADOX. Dude, man, thou just blewest My mind. [Rolls metaphysical eyes.]

My coworker wants to know why he didn't get Phish tickets for the New Year's Eve show at Madison Square Garden. Because he chose to do a “wake ‘n’ bake” just before they went on sale and proceeded to spend the next two hours raving on his futon to “The Squirming Coil” on auto-repeat, that’s why. Verily, is everyone at Gothamist high? Because thou all seemest as stoned as St. Stephen, verily.

Kosher: why? Pork tastes so good!
I address that point very thoroughly in the book, which evidently thou hast not read in preparation for this interview, which speaks to both a) shoddy journalistic practices and b) a willingness—nay, a desire—to burn eternally in the hot sulfur that scalds forever.

Fine, busted. If I'm going to Hell for asking God a stupid question, can you at least tell me what's it really like down there?
Exactly as Sartre depicted it in “Huis Clos.” Everyone spends eternity stuck in a room with a society doyenne and an aggressive lesbian.