Today, as innocent civilians are getting massacred in Syria and cancer patients are turned away from clinics near you, we've been voicing our deep outrage over subpar treehouses and whining about the weather. But serious New Yorkers can always count on the Paper of Record for in-depth coverage on more substantive topics, like the undeniably intriguing issue of young tech millionaires having trouble buying art. Here are some actual things people said in the New York Times today.

Rex Sorgatz, a "digital consultant":

"I've been a bit disappointed by the disconnect between New York City's art world and technology space...It's extremely rare to see start-up people at gallery openings, for instance."

This is something someone is actually disappointed about. You know what else is disappointing? That art galleries exist because global capitalism is a plutocracy that funnels hot money into a ridiculous asset-class that billionaires can brag to their friends about.

Dennis Crowley, a founder of Foursquare, a "social networking site":

"I'd never call myself a collector. And if I did, my friends would make fun of me. They're all so business-minded. It would be like saying I was a wine connoisseur. I'd be mocked."

Exactly. Maybe tech millionaires don't collect art because they are focused on solving problems or improving their businesses or getting drunk or doing anything except speculating in an opaque market with massive information asymmetries where even hedge fund assholes constantly find themselves getting ripped off.

John Resig, a "Javascript programmer":

"I'm not used to being in such a commercially aggressive environment when viewing art. This seemed sort of the, like, opposite atmosphere: exclusive, hidden," he said. "I never studied art history, but I've been trying to educate myself. It's been very hard as an outsider even to learn."

John, maybe your time would be better spent designing new Javascript or using Javascript to solve some of society's problems, like not being able to sext fast enough, rather than studying a subject that was designed by snobs to reify the values of a social class that will never accept you? But by all means, grab a pack of Dunhills and a plastic glass of Riesling and listen to Nico's halitosis-riddled tirade on Zagreb's flagging scene while you eye-fuck the Gallatin student who just noticed that you dropped $80K on a tapestry of a deer pistol-whipping a Carnival cruise ship (we have never been to an art gallery).

Jonah Peretti, founder of Huffington Post and Buzzfeed, "whose collection includes pieces by Cory Arcangel, Hennessy Youngman and Evan Roth":

"There's lots of things that people don't understand about the art world... even if you have money, it doesn't mean you're part of the club... It's not like there's some instruction manual when you show up at Barbara Gladstone that explains all this to you."

Jonah Peretti, with your millions of dollars, impeccable tech cred, and several years spent working at an actual atelier, or whatever the hell Eyebeam is, you are definitely part of the club. If they tell you "Hey, we're at capacity, you have to wait on the line outside or yeah, call your friend Sebastian but it's really loud in there," you just tell them, "No, I am Jonah Peretti, and I belong here. YOU call Arianna Huffington if you don't believe me."

Mo Koyfman, a venture capitalist at Spark Capital, "who collects mostly emerging artists who show in galleries on the Lower East Side":

"For technologists, it's all about leveling the playing field, and the art world is a very structured, hierarchical system..."

There is something ironic about a Venture Capitalist with a degree from Wharton telling the art world that it has a problem with hierarchy.

This irony is echoed by Josh Guttman, "the senior vice president of Outbrain ('a content delivery network')":

"The art world has a lot of cliques, I'm less interesting in the cliques, but you could argue that tech is the same. If you have a start-up, you need to network, get to know the right people and the community at large. You need people to like you."

You know what doesn't make people like you? Talking to the New York Times Style Section about your rich-guy problems. That makes you look like a clown, the very type of clown whose name is being written down by one hundred gallery assistants at this very moment. After a few Facebook refreshes, they'll hand that note to their boss, who will delight in grifting you out of some small slice of your tech fortune that could have better been spent on anything else, like a foosball table for living room, or a trip to Gstaad with your girlfriend who probably works at one of those dumb jewelry e-commerce startups.

This article written by Publius.