What if a) the subway announcements were actually audible, and b) the MTA used their loudspeakers to judge, shame, and editorialize while you were trapped in their train cars? Something like: "Consider giving 10% of your income to help fight the spread of ebola in Africa. That double shot soy chai latte is delicious, but perhaps you can just drink a fucking cup of coffee and save someone's life. That means you, Sheila."

Below, that alternate reality plays out, thanks to Gianmarco Soresi and Megan Sass, who also manage to settle the question: are dogs better than cats?