Netflix is at once a blessing and a curse. It is indeed life-changing to be able to binge-watch six seasons of a television show with ease, unburdened by commercials. Never mind that slaves to Netflix's streaming options (Bojack Horseman! Mad Men! Every episode of Scrubs! Yes, I watched every episode of Scrubs!) are probably suffering from something, be it social withdrawal or reduced eyesight or bedsores. Anyway, Netflix found out what everyone's binge-watching, and it turns out most of us really need to go outdoors once in a while.
After analyzing the amount of time viewers spent on over 100 titles, Netflix found that subscribers sped through shows like The 100, Orange Is The New Black, and Breaking Bad, all of which are excellent and certainly bingeable. Confusingly, viewers also "devoured" Marco Polo and Hemlock Grove—this is potentially because they have bad taste, but also because these shows are so terrible people want to get through them quickly, like how people eat salads before real meals, right?
Viewers also binged shows like House of Cards, Daredevil, Mad Men, Bojack and Narcos, but those shows were digested a little more slowly. In fact, Netflix found that "irreverent comedies," along with political, historical, and superhero dramas were savored rather than devoured. Thrillers and horror shows, meanwhile, were binged real fast because we're all a bunch of creepy fucks.
The crux of all this, of course, is that we are sad souls who spend our days off rewatching episodes of The Office and arguing with Redditors over whether or not Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt lived up to its predecessor. The good news is, we're probably getting our extra $2 worth, if your subscription was dealt the dreaded price spike (mine has not!). The bad news is, we're all the closer to becoming those giant chairbound blobs from WALL-E—which, tragically, is NOT streaming on Netflix, those cheap bastards.
We've rounded up some other bingeable options, sorry eyeballs!