Haha, oh MAN, get a load of this dump, you guys! $1,150 per month for this elven closet, this shoebox built for dwarves! What sort of desperate monster or foreign exchange student would ever want to live here?

I mean, this place doesn't even have a bathroom! OK technically it's right down the hall—probably no further down the hall than the bathroom in your current apartment, but seriously, ew! Well yeah, you share a bathroom with your five housemates now, but this is like super different. You'd be sharing a bathroom with other strangers, people you don't even know from climbing over each other in the shared kitchen!

Also? If you lived here, you'd have to climb into a lofted twin bed like a tiny little child, which is neither cool nor awesome nor would it allow you to sometimes drunkenly pretend you're piloting a war elephant, which you can do because though the space is small, it's yours and it's cheap and you're alive, baby.

Ohmygosh there's a MICROWAVE! I mean...blargh, a microwave. How dreadfully plebeian.

The apartment is located on St. Marks between 2nd and 3rd Avenues, right next to a whole bunch of bars and restaurants you'd probably spend all your time sitting in, making new friends and nodding understandingly when they groan at the time and tell you they'd better get back to Poughkeepsie. But in Poughkeepsie they have a vegetable garden!, they'll tell you, glowing proudly as your raised brows betray your envy. Or at least they would, if they had enough time between commuting to and from the city to maintain it! The point is they could, OK?

Anyhoo this place is a joke, a horrible nightmare that embodies in four walls the depths to which we'll stoop—for what? To have a place to ourselves in one of the most consistently vibrant neighborhoods in the city? Pathetic. How soon can I move in?

(h/t Brick Underground)