In these times of great upheaval, New Yorkers need to turn to one another for comfort, strength, and photos of taxi drivers covered in shaved ice while imitating the "draw me like one of your French girls" pose from Titanic. And thankfully, the 2017 NYC Taxi Drivers Calendar is here to provide all those things, plus a photorealistic recreation of Janet Jackson's nude Rolling Stone cover.
The calendar first debuted in 2013, bringing together a dozen of the city's "most scintillating and good-humored yellow cab drivers" to spread awareness of the smoldering sexuality lurking within the banana-colored vehicles which drive our drunk asses home. It's also about charity: a portion of each calendar sale goes to University Settlement, America’s oldest settlement house. And it's also about making squeegees ooze pure eroticism again.
In 2014, the calendar made us question the nature of sex, and wonder which base "shaving" falls under (2nd base?). In 2015, we learned that gently placing leaves on your nipples while making provocative eye contact with the camera DOES count as going all the way. And this year, we've discovered that water conservation is NOT sexy.
Also sex: not-so-subtle Avenue Q advertising. Nothing gets ladies hotter than seeing you cuddle up to a Lucy the Slut doll.
You might be thinking to yourself, "Oh sure, next thing you're gonna tell me is that yellow suspenders gently being snapped against your naked tummy is also sex, yeah right" but GUESS WHAT, it is, thanks 2016.
Anyway, this is my favorite photo of this year's calendar, because nothing would get me hornier than the opportunity to float away from the garbage dump fire that is America right now.