Last night, Gothamist kicked up our feet, found some friends on IM, and watched the Golden Globes. We are suckers for anything that celebrates our two best friends, television and movies, even if it's all glad-handing and self-congratulatory, because the silver lining is that we can make fun of them. Things started immediately, as the Golden Globes are wont to do, with Renee Zellweger, looking skinny, in a brown cocktail dress, coming out to announce Best Actor in a Motion Picture Supporting Role (or whatever they call it). The camera cuts to Mick Jagger, whose sneer now just looks like he smelled something bad. Then shots of various nominees (Who knew Jamie Foxx has tattoos on his head? Morgan Freeman's granddaughter is pretty cute.) and the winner is the ridiculously hot Clive Owen for Closer. He gives a nice, brief speech, becoming the fist of many to publicly figuratively fellate Mike Nichols.
The reaction camera is off its game, as it catches celebrities at the oddest moments. You see Maria Shriver, Governator is looking down at the floor, probably for that yummy piece of shrimp that fell.
Tim Robbins comes out for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture, and it's clear that Laura Linney, nominated for Kinsey, is wearing way too much eyeliner. It's too Avril for Gothamist's taste, and it's too Avril for Avril. Anyway, Natalie Portman wins for her pole work in Closer, and she looks more Independent Spirit Awards than Golden Globes. Her Chloe dress is sack-like, her hair is meh...good God, woman, there were mudslides and a tsunami - people need glamour! Also, as Margeret Lyons pointed out, for a Harvard education, her speech made her sound really stupid; considering she's been in the biz for about a decade, she can't play the ingenue card. But we're okay with her winning...this role and her role in Garden State were pretty good.
Jennifer Garner, wearing a pretty and very boring dress, and Mark Wahlberg, who is incredibly brilliant in I Heart Huckabee's, give the Best Supporting Actress in a TV Show, Movie, or Mini-Series. Nicolette Sheridan's face looks less plasticky than in US, In Touch, or on Access Hollywood - we're impressed! Anjelica Huston wins for Ironjawed Angels (forget that it's about the women's suffragettist movement and has contemporary music; it was directed by an ex-gf of Brad Pitt, people), and she looks very regal and witchy, very The Witches, which works for her.
Garner and Wahlberg announce the nominees for Best Supporting Category, TV stuff, and the shot of Michael Imperioli in a grey suit makes us wonder if he's maybe getting ready for his Law & Order stint. Anyway, William Shatner wins for Boston Legal, and Captain Kirk has to walk all the way from the back because the Hollywood Foreign Press makes sure TV actors sit in the back.
Diane Lane comes out, to present the clip for Kinsey. Her dress is very pretty and simple; perfect for the woman whose husband may or may not beat her. What's interesting about Kinsey is that they were able to find a young man to play the young Kinsey who looked a lot like Liam Neeson. Gothamist has to give props to the casting director, because it was uncanny. That actor was probably the only person whose has the same, weirdly stone-like features, because he had tons of acne.
Oy vey. Jim Carrey walks out, that black hole of look-at-me antics. Gothamist is worried. Kevin Kline looks frightened, but Robin Williams, no stranger to hamming it up to eleven thousand, just laughs. Carrey greets the crowd with "human units" - not that funny. He introduce the head of the Hollywood Foreign Press, Lorenzo Italian-last-name, who then introduces Bill Clinton via satellite. Former President Clinton asks for tsunami money. Which reminds Gothamist: The opening Saturday Night Live skit about Clinton and former President Bush asking for tsunami was pretty funny, if only for Fred Armisen's former President Bush, but the rest of the show was lame - except for Amy Poehler saying she would cut Angelina in one of her tattoos if she came to break up her Weekend Update marriage with Tina Fey and the down-and-out dollar sketch.
Claire Danes and Topher Grace are the presenters for the Best Actor and Actress in a TV Drama. Damn, we saw Mary Louise Parker arrive, and we can only hope for a Mary Louise Parker and Claire Danes showdown. Claire has negative boobage, so it makes us wonder what the hell she was thinking, picking this dress. Woo! Mariska Hargitay wins Best Actress for her work as Detective Olivia Benson in Law & Order: SVU! The HFPA must really love her tough love and tight yet still professional sweaters. She gives a sweet speech (she loves Dick Wolf! she loves the cast and crew!) and mentions her new husband and father Mickey Hargitay. Aww...that's really sweet. And this remind Gothamist we really must get the In Style Weddings to learn more about her husband.
Google time-out: Crap, is Mary Louise Parker dating dating Adam Duritz? What? How?
Best Actor, TV Drama: Claire SHOUTS the intro. It looks like Michael Chiklis (Chiklis - hee!), Denis Leary, and Julian McMahon are sitting together at the FX table. Ian McShane wins for Deadwood. Gothamist has yet to sit through a whole episode of Deadwood...it's just hard. And we were hoping for Julian McMahon to win for nip/tuck, but we can't be too annoyed with McShane, as he asked for "Peace in 2005" in his speech.
The announcer announces Samuel L. Jackson, referring to Coach Carter's number 1 weekend at the box office. He's cool, we get it. He introduces the clip for The Incredibles.
Meryl Streep comes out, and the camera cuts to Martin Scorsese, who looks small; he must be hoping that he'll get an Oscar soon. She says congratulations to Natalie in a foreboding sort of way (Streep lost to her), but they costarred in The Seagull (directed by Mike Nichols) in Shakespeare in the Park a few years back. She announces that the Best TV movie or miniseries is The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. Eh. Gothamist wasn't taken with any of the nominees (The Lion in Winter, Something The Lord Made, Ironjawed Angels, "American Family"), so whatever.
Megan Mulally and Goran Visjnic come out to hand out the award for Best Actor in a TV Comedy, and suddenly Gothamist thinks that a show with Karen from Will & Grace and the brooding Luka from ER would be a hit, as they are the best things from both shows. Jason Bateman wins for Arrested Development and he actually thanks Rupert Murdoch; someone wants a bigger bonus!
Halle Berry can barely walk out to the microphone is this layered taupe-y dress; the dress is assymetrical and doesn't really work. She announces the film made by Monster's Ball director Marc Forster - Finding Neverland. Johnny Depp is wearing a cute suit and looks younger and younger each time Gothamist sees him...what gives?
It's Will Ferrell! He has on an eye patch! Gothamist loves it! He gives Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical to Annette Bening. She's taking a swig of wine, so it takes a moment before she can get up and get a kiss from Warren Beatty. Gothamist was rooting for Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, because does Bening really need an award for playing an aging actress in Being Julia? Bening goes on for a bit, ending on "the lunch at the pizza place was delicious" - a nod to her fateful lunch with Warren Beatty.
Melina Kanakaredes, again wearing a suspect dress, and Anthony LaPaglia to award Best TV Series to nip/tuck. Gothamist caught a marathon of nip/tuck on Friday evening and it was brilliant. And creator Ryan Murphy's upcoming film project is an adaptation of Augusten Burrough's amazing memoir, Running With Scissors (Gothamist Interview with Augusten here), which will star...Annette Bening as Augusten's nutty mother.
Naomi Watts fumbles over announcing the clip for Eternal Sunshine. Naomi looks very golden and ready to play Ann Darrow in King Kong. She's wearing a white dress, but Gothamist feels the white dress of the night belongs to Uma Thurman.
The Desperate Housewives come out to award best actor in a TV movie. Felicity Huffman looks glittery and great in a golden gown. Eva Longoria has amazing emerald earrings but her dress, though cute and sweet, is a little too prom-like. Teri Hatcher is trying to look at sex bomb, but her hair's too big and wild, and the dress is almost perfect but it's also very much not. Marcia Cross, we'd love for you to marry us, but you're so sculpted, it scares a little. And Nicolette is there, making us think about her second class status as a Desperate Housewife. She's probably up there because she will give interviews to Access Hollywood on a regular basis. Geoffrey Rush wins for The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, giving a very witty speech.
Glenn Close comes out to introduce the clip for Closer; "Mike Nichols, I love you," blah blah blah. He's a good director, but after Angels in America dominating the Golden Globes and Emmys last year, this is like the 10th award show in a row where he's a prominent feature. God bless him for working, but it's totally the Mike Nichols Awards Show. Anyway, Glenn has to out again when Al Pacino hands her the Best Actress in a TV Movie award.
Best Foreign Language film is announced by Scarlett Johannsen and Ewan MacGregor come out to announce. Gothamist thinks Scarlett does 50s starlet/sex bomb better than Gwen Stefani, no matter what others say, even in spite of the Jared Leto thing. Euthanasia movie The Sea Inside wins; we feel for Fine Line Features, because that's a tough sell, an entire movie about a man trying to legally die. Director Alejandro Amenabar gives a short and sweet speech; he thanks actor Javier Bardem, who is awesome.
Ha! The cut from Diane Lane and Josh Brolin to Minnie Driver, onstage to present a clip for The Phantom of the Opera, is classic. Gothamist is a sucker for the music of The Phantom of the Opera, if only because high school French Club could claim seeing The Phantom of the Opera was critical to our French education.
The Golden Globes announcer says the leading lady of National Treasure is coming, but Gothamist's question is who knew there was a leading lady? Apparently, it's Diane Kruger (with Matthew McConaughey), who looks emaciated and is wearing a busted dress. They give Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor Best Screenplay for Sideways, proving that Hollywood loves movies where drinking is a big deal (Days of Wine and Roses, Leaving Las Vegas).
Next, Mischa Barton and Mekhi Phifer give the GG for Best Actress in a TV Comedy. You have to hand it to the Golden Globes; you may not care for the categories, but the show moves. Teri Hatcher wins for Desperate Housewives and admits she's been a has-been. Mischa, we think she was speaking to you, as Hatcher was the center of eating disorder rumors while on Lois & Clark...and then when that show was cancelled, she got to do Radio Shack ads.
The commercial for The Wedding Date, with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, seems like one of those ABC Family chick movies.
Laurence Fishburne introduces a clip for Hotel Rwanda; then Usher and Lisa Marie Presley come out to announce Best Song. Lisa Marie seems heavily medicated. And Usher - take off the shades, you're no Jack Nicholson. Mick Jagger and Dave Stewart win for a song in Alfie, a movie that was supposed to launch Jude Law but really, it'll be known as the movie that took Jude Law off the market for a second time. But Mick is funny, saying, "Thanks to everyone who's working at Paramount...and everyone who was working at Paramount..." Aw, Hollywood likes to laugh at studio firings.
Prince comes out to wild applause and cheers, and starts to introduce the clip for Ray. Gothamist can't help but think of Dave Chappelle's Prince impression. Then Ron Howard, the narrator of Arrested Development, comes out to say the winner of Best Motion Picture Director is Clint Eastwood. Martin Scorsese claps the most vigorously, and we feel bad for him, even though we think The Aviator is a snoozefest. Clint has a harem of ladies at his table...okay, wife, former lover, and three daughters.
Diane Keaton looking Edwardian, as usual, rambles on about falling in love with the actors and shouts the nominees for Best Actor, Musical or Comedy. Jamie Foxx almost makes us cry with his speech. And he makes us laugh - he gives Ray director Taylor Hackford a shout out that reminds us of the "Krazy Eyez Killah" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, where Larry wants to Krazy to say to him, "You're my Caucasian!" Gothamist thinks we can expect a Cuba Gooding/Adrien Brody like moment at the Oscars, if Jamie Foxx wins; Charlize, you better get ready.
Pierce Brosnan comes out to give Robin Williams the Cecil B. DeMille award. That's great for Robin, but Gothamist will take this time to wash some dishes, pay some bills, de-lint a sweater or two, while he goes insane on stage. We catch his shout-outs to his family, including the fact his pre-teen or barely teen daughter likes Hello Kitty.
Charlize Theron looks pretty fierce as a brunette, and her dress is cool, in an 80s sort of way. She announces that Leonardo DiCaprio as The Aviator wins for Best Actor, over Javier Bardem, Liam Neeson, Johnny Depp and Don Cheadle. Hmm. Gothamist is not convinced this was the best acting, but it's probably the HFPA thanking the entire The Aviator production for wrangling a huge, celebrity-driven ensemble cast.
Michael Imperioli and Patricia Arquette come out to annoucne that the Best TV Comedy is Desperate Housewives. Creator Mark Cherry gives the most inspirational speech of the evening; you can go from Golden Girls to unemployment and back to writing for bawdy ladies, as long as your agent is arrested for embezzlement.
Best Actress is Hilary Swank for Million Dollar Baby; she seems really intense and gives a pretty long speech. She pretends to forget to thank husband Chad Lowe. Gothamist has to feel for Chad Lowe; Swank has been talking about how she would practice her boxing on Chad during press interviews and how she's really good at beating him up. Chad needs a project of his own. But on another note, they always look super cute together when we see them walking around SoHo.
Sylvester Stallone announces the clip for Million Dollar Baby. If you want a feel-good movie, don't see Million Dollar Baby. Gothamist wept during the last third, but maybe that was because our moviewatching conditions were severely compromised.
Yawn, we're tired. Goldie Hawn announces Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, is Sideways. Makes sense for the Golden Globes, as people are drinking during the entire meal. The Sideways cast comes onstage, probably wasted, and is excited.
Nicole Kidman trots out (in the best dress of the evening) to present Best Motion Picture, Drama, to The Aviator. What's cold is that after the producer accepts the award, the music comes on, so Martin Scorsese can't even speak. That's harsh, but it's what had to be done, so NBC to go to local newscasts.
So, it looks like a three way fight between The Aviator, Million Dollar Baby, and Sideways at the Oscars. Jamie Foxx will most likely win for Ray; best actress is more up in the air, because the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences might be really into honoring Annette Bening (Hollywood royalty, she gets to play an actress). But Gothamist is worried. Very, very worried. What are we to do when we find the three-hour Golden Globes, plus the orgy of red carpet ogling earlier, stupefyingly boring? We will need to devise a drinking game when the Oscars come around on February 27.
More on the Golden Globes:
- The NY Times' Virginia Heffernan thinks Kathy Griffin was funny on E! (she was, she said Nicole Kidman had shown up totally wasted)
- out of focus live blogs the GG
