If it involves movies or television, Gothamist is interested. And if it's the tiniest bit related to the Oscars, then we're all over it. That's why Gothamist has produced a Golden Globes commentary similar to our Oscar commentary from last year. Yes, awards shows are self-congratulatory and ridiculous, and the Golden Globes are not a reliable predictor of the Oscars (which aren't that great anyway but their usefulness as a marketing tool cannot be denied), but it's just become a part of our DNA to enjoy an evening of watching, wondering, and whining.
First up, Meryl Streep presents the award for Best Supporting Actor in a Film. Tim Robbins for Mystic River (well-deserved; his performance is much less showy than Sean Penn's and much more powerful). Robbins says, "The great thing is I get to drink now." And, boy, does Susan Sarandon look good. But the best is the cutaway to Johnny Depp in a fedora. He's so dirty, it's yummy.
Next Sarah Jessica Parker (ugly Chanel couture dress; dark, dark roots), Cynthia Nixon (lovely), Kim Catrall (fabulous), and Kristen Davis (great wavy hair) come out to present Best TV Actor and TV Actress in a Drama Series. Anthony LaPaglia wins for Without a Trace and Frances Conroy wins for Six Feet Under. LaPaglia is pretty much great in anything he does and Conroy is wonderful in Six Feet, so these are good choices.
Melanie Griffith and Chris Cooper come out to present Best Supporting Actress in a film. Melanie looks hot; her various surgeries film very well. Renee Zellweger wins for Cold Mountain, which means it's two Roxie Harts on stage, and let it be known, Renee looks great with boobs and an ass, versus her usual stick thin routine. She gives a really boring and annoying speech.
Marg Helgenberger and Jim Belushi introduce Miss Golden Globe, Lily Costner. The evening's grossest moment was when Joan Rivers interviewed Lily, dad Kevin Costner, and his fiancee. It was gross because you couldn't tell the difference between the fiancee and his daughter, since his fiancee is so young. Gothamist did think it was funny that Joan Rivers called the fiancee a fool for accepting such a small diamond engagement ring.
Marg and Jim present the award for Best Comedy and it goes to The Office. Fucking A, that's awesome. As soon that's announced, cameras go to The Office table for reaction; you can see the Will & Grace (also nominated) table reach for wine. The Office's Ricky Gervais is so funny: "I'm not from these parts...from a little place called England - we used to run the world before you." Lots of laughs.
Keanu Reeves and Uma Thurman come out and there's a cutaway to an open mouthed Diane Keaton (maybe she's shocked how brassy Uma's hair is?). They are presenting Best TV Movie or Mini-Series. The nominees are generally more serious in tone: AIDS, sex change, transgender love in the army, being old, etc., but the announcer is too smarmy to carry off the descriptions of the films. Angels in America wins, hooray. Then Keanu and Uma present the Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mniseries: Meryl Streep for Angels, whose dress is not that flattering and is apparently see through.
Ellen Burstyn presents a clip from Cold Mountain; Elton John looked perturbed by her dress. Cate Blanchett, who looks so good we almost want to get pregnant, announces a poobah from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Allison Janney's hair looks great.
Matt LeBlanc and Tyra Banks come out to present Best Actress in a TV series. Sarah Jessica Parker wins for Sex and the City and gives a rambling though sweet speech. Really hating the dress, it's drab, all over the place, not very flattering for her. Couture sucks.
Ashton Kutcher and Ice Cube present for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Mini Series, TV Movie, Drama or Comedy; nice cutaway to Ashton's former, Brittany Murphy, who claps enthusiastically and shows off her rock from The Firm's Jeff Kwatinez in the process. Jeffrey Wright wins for Angels in America and giving a nice speech that recalls him playing this role on Broadway.
Richard Gere presents for Best Actress in a Comedy, which goes to a deliriously happy Diane Keaton for Something's Gotta Give. Diane mentions Nancy Meyers a 100 times. Lord. Renee Zellweger then presents Best Actor in a Comedy to Bill Murray for Lost in Translation, whose speech is wonderful: "You can all relax - I fired my agent a month ago. My physical trainer killed himself....I'd thank the people at Universal and Focus Features, but I wouldn't know where to begin, everyone is trying to take credit." He also calls the movie he's currently filming, The Life Aquatic with Wes Anderson, a "death ship." He doesn't thank Scarlett Johanssen.
Antonio Banderas introduces Bend it Like Beckham's bad clip montage. Molly Sims and Josh Duhamel (aka Tad Hamilton!; Gothamist figured out his features look like an anime figure's) present for Best Drama (TV), which goes to 24. The first 48 hours of 24 were great; nowadays, we don't even know what night it's on.
Jennifer Aniston, wearing what seems to be her standard awards show gear - some sort of black dress that's cute but a little boring - presents Best Actor in TV Comedy, which goes to The Office's Ricky Gervais. He's cute, trying to vamp.
Queen Latifah and Gwen Stefani (bad hair, Gwen, bad hair!) present the score and song awards, which go to Howard Shore for The Lord of the Rings. Nice, but boring boring boring.
Nicolas Cage presents a clip for cousin Sofia's Lost in Translation. Then Jennifer Lopez comes out to present Best Screenplay and there's a cutaway to Jennifer Garner, who costarred in Ben Affleck's Daredevil. J.Lo is wearing a pretty Greek inspired dress (better than the muumuu), but she's wearing too much bronzer. Sofia Coppola wins, and she's wearing a little black dress and black flats (left). She looks about 16 years old. She forgets to thank Scarlett Johanssen.
Justin Kirk and Eva Mendes comes out to present Best Supporting Actress in TV Mini-Series, Movie, Drama or Comedy. Mary Louise Parker wins for Angels in America and it looks like her date is Justin Theroux (take that, Billy Crudup!). She looks incredibly hot, with her new mom breasts. And wouldn't you know it, after her thanks, she says, "Janel Maloney [her West Wing costar] said she'd pay me $1,000 if I thanked my son for my boobs looking so good. So thank you William Atticus Parker." (Take that, [flat-chested] Claire Danes!)
Michael Douglas lovefest. Snooze. Except Sharon Stone's hair: Crazy! It's too bleached out, it's Elizabeth Taylor hair! She seems gaunt, tired, and depressed, except when she's "on," and then she is very professional. We hope she's okay, what with the stroke and all; she may be crazy, but Sharon is a broad and we love her for that.
Susan Sarandon announces the clip for Mystic River; obligatory cutaway to Tim Robbins, who isn't as drunk as we hoped he'd be by then.
Then Dustin Hoffman shuffles out to present Peter Jackson with the Best Director award for The Lord of the Rings. It's so anticlimactic, since most bets are on PJ to win for LOTR. Gothamist understands wanting to reward him with his ambitious work, but it's making things very boring for the Oscars in February.
Britney Murphy and Mark Ruffalo come out to give Best Actor in a TV Movie or Mini-Series to Al Pacino in Angels in America. Gothamist is still bitter about Justin Kirk not being nominated. Silly HFPA. Al, lose the ponytail.
Things keep moving along: Nicole Kidman saunters out in a rather beautiful dress except for the length. Best Actor in a Drama to Sean Penn for Mystic River, aka "Sean Penn channels Robert DeNiro." Sean's not there, Clint accepts.
Seabiscuit clip presented by Jeff Bridges, followed by Pierce Brosnan who sounds congested. Pierce presents Best Foreign Language Film to Afghanistan's Siddiq Barmakat and his film, Osama. Barmakat gives a nice, thoughtful speech that seems to freak out the room because it's clear Barmakat is serious but they are too soused not to close their mouths (Nicole Kidman).
Jack Nicholson gives the Best Actress in a Drama award to Charlize Theron in Monster. She's very excited and gracious, practically makes her director Patty Jenkins cry. Oh, Charlize. From catfights to your own Jake LaMotta. So it seems like Sean and Charlize are the actors to beat at the SAGs.
Last two awards of the night: A shaved head Jim Carrey is actually not at "11" and manages to gives the Best Comedy/Musical award to Lost in Translation without too much embarrassment. It gives Sofia the opportunity to thank Scarlett then. A darker haired Leonardo DiCaprio gives the Best Drama award to the Lord of the Ring: The Return of the King. And we're out. Finally.
Next, Gothamist waits for the Oscar nominations this Tuesday and the big night on February 29.
PICTURE - DRAMA
"Cold Mountain" (Miramax), Mirage Enterprises/Bona Fide Prods.
WINNER: "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" (New Line), Wingnut Films
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" (Twentieth Century Fox/Miramax/Universal), Twentieth Century Fox/Universal Pictures/Miramax Films
"Mystic River" (WB/Village Roadshow), Warner Bros. Pictures
"Seabiscuit" (Universal/DreamWorks/Spyglass), Larger Than Life/Kennedy-Marshall Prods.
ACTRESS - DRAMA
Cate Blanchett, "Veronica Guerin"
Nicole Kidman, "Cold Mountain"
Scarlett Johansson, "Girl with a Pearl Earring"
WINNER: Charlize Theron, "Monster"
Uma Thurman, "Kill Bill Vol. 1"
Evan Rachel Wood, "Thirteen"
ACTOR - DRAMA
Russell Crowe, "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"
Tom Cruise, "The Last Samurai"
Ben Kingsley, "House of Sand and Fog"
Jude Law, "Cold Mountain"
WINNER: Sean Penn, "Mystic River"
PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
"Bend it Like Beckham" (Fox Searchlight), Kintop Pictures
"Big Fish" (Sony), Columbia Pictures
"Finding Nemo" (Buena Vista), Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar Animation Studios
WINNER: "Lost in Translation" (Focus), American Zoetrope/Elemental Films
"Love Actually" (Universal/Studiocanal), Working Title/DNA Films
ACTRESS - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jamie Lee Curtis, "Freaky Friday"
Scarlett Johansson, "Lost in Translation"
WINNER: Diane Keaton, "Something's Gotta Give"
Diane Lane, "Under the Tuscan Sun"
Helen Mirren, "Calendar Girls"
ACTOR - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jack Black, "School of Rock"
Johnny Depp, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl"
WINNER: Bill Murray, "Lost in Translation"
Jack Nicholson, "Something's Gotta Give"
Billy Bob Thornton, "Bad Santa"
Sofia Coppola, "Lost in Translation"
Clint Eastwood, "Mystic River"
WINNER: Peter Jackson, "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
Anthony Minghella, "Cold Mountain"
Peter Weir, "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
"The Barbarian Invasions" (Canada), Cinemaginaire/Pyramide (Miramax)
"Good Bye, Lenin!" (Germany), X Filme Creative Pool/WDR (Sony Pictures Classics)
"Monsieur Ibrahim" (France), ARP/France 3/Canal+ (Sony Pictures Classics)
WINNER: "Osama" (Afghanistan), Barmak (United Artists/MGM)
"The Return" (Russia), RenFilm (Intercinema Art Agency)
Maria Bello, "The Cooler"
Patricia Clarkson, "Pieces of April"
Hope Davis, "American Splendor"
Holly Hunter, "Thirteen"
WINNER: Renee Zellweger, "Cold Mountain"
Alec Baldwin, "The Cooler"
Albert Finney, "Big Fish"
William H. Macy, "Seabiscuit"
WINNER:Tim Robbins, "Mystic River"
Peter Sarsgaard, "Shattered Glass"
Ken Watanabe, "The Last Samurai"
WINNER: Sofia Coppola, "Lost In Translation"
Richard Curtis, "Love Actually"
Brian Helgeland, "Mystic River"
Anthony Minghella, "Cold Mountain"
Jim Sheridan & Naomi Sheridan & Kirsten Sheridan, "In America"
Alexandre Desplat, "Girl with a Pearl Earring"
Danny Elfman, "Big Fish"
WINNER: Howard Shore, "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
Gabriel Yared, "Cold Mountain"
Hans Zimmer, "The Last Samurai"
"The Heart of Every Girl", "Mona Lisa Smile" - Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
WINNER: "Into the West", "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" - Music & Lyrics by Howard Shore, Fran Walsh, Annie Lennox
"Man of the Hour", "Big Fish" - Music & Lyrics by Eddie Vedder
"Time Enough for Tears", "In America" - Music & Lyrics by Bono, Gavin Friday and Maurice Seezer
"You Will Be My Ain True Love", "Cold Mountain" - Music & Lyrics by Sting
TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
WINNER: "24" (Fox), Imagine TV & 20th Century Fox TV i.a.w. Real Time Prods.
"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (CBS), Alliance Atlantis Prod. i.a.w. CBSP
"Nip/Tuck" (FX), The Shephard/Robin Co. i.a.w. WB TV
"Six Feet Under" (HBO), HBO
"The West Wing" (NBC), John Wells Prods. i.a.w. WB TV
ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
WINNER:Frances Conroy, "Six Feet Under"
Jennifer Garner, "Alias"
Allison Janney, "The West Wing"
Joely Richardson, "Nip/Tuck"
Amber Tamblyn"Joan of Arcadia"
ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Michael Chiklis, "The Shield"
WINNER:Anthony LaPaglia, "Without a Trace"
William Peterson, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation"
Martin Sheen, "The West Wing"
Kiefer Sutherland, "24"
TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
"Arrested Development" (Fox), 20th Century Fox TV i.a.w. Imagine TV
"Monk" (USA), Mandeville Films i.a.w. Touchstone TV
WINNER: "The Office" (BBC America), BBC/BBC America
"Sex and the City" (HBO), HBO
"Will & Grace" (NBC), KoMut Entertainment i.a.w. Three Sister and NBC Studios
ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Bonnie Hunt, "Life with Bonnie"
Reba McEntire, "Reba"
Debra Messing, "Will & Grace"
WINNER: Sarah Jessica Parker, "Sex and the City"
Bitty Schram, "Monk"
Alicia Silvestone, "Miss Match"
ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
WINNER: Ricky Gervais, "The Office"
Matt LeBlanc, "Friends"
Bernie Mac, "The Bernie Mac Show"
Eric McCormack, "Will & Grace"
Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"
MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
WINNER: "Angels in America" (HBO), HBO
"My House in Umbria" (HBO), HBO
"Normal" (HBO), HBO
"Soldier's Girl" (Showtime), Bachrach/Gottlieb Prod.
"Tennessee Williams' The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" (Showtime), Showtime
ACTRESS, MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Judy Davis, "The Reagans"
Jessica Lange, "Normal"
Helen Mirren, "Tennessee Williams' The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone"
Maggie Smith, "My House in Umbria"
WINNER: Meryl Streep, "Angels in America"
ACTOR, MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Antonio Banderas, "And Starring Pancho Villa as Himself"
James Brolin, "The Reagans"
Troy Garity, "Soldier's Girl"
WINNER: Al Pacino, "Angels in America"
Tom Wilkinson, "Normal"
SUPPORTING ACTRESS, SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Kim Cattrall, "Sex and the City"
Kirstin Davis, "Sex and the City"
Megan Mullally, "Will & Grace"
Cynthia Nixon, "Sex and the City"
WINNER: Mary Louise Parker, "Angels in America"
SUPPORTING ACTOR, SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Sean Hayes, "Will & Grace"
Lee Pace, "Soldier's Girl"
Ben Shenkman, "Angels in America"
Patrick Wilson, "Angels in America"
WINNER: Jeffrey Wright, "Angels in America"