The sound we all heard yesterday was a million bloggers laughing, when it was revealed that Fred Durst had filed an $80 million lawsuit against a variety of entities, including ol' Gawker Media, for posting his unimpressive sex video online. Clearly, since the likelihood of Durst getting any substantial amount of money is doubtful, Gothamist started to think about how this could be settled:
1. Nick Denton gets sentenced to be Fred Durst's butler- it's like Mr. Belvedere meets, um...whatever VH1 show features a has-been artist.
2. Durst and these parties will sell the video together and share profits, like the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee sex tape. However, since Fred's penis is so small, this actually turns out to be a money losing venture, just like a blog.
3. Durst takes over Gawker Media: coverage of fading hardcore bands skyrockets. Launch of "Nookieskipper," "Nookienik," "Nookette," and "IWearBaseballHatsToHideMyBaldingHeadbot."
4. Lockhart is sent back to the Hungarian salt mines or embarks on a career as a real estate agent to raise the 10M fine.
5. Gawker's next party is in the clink.
Readers, what do you think will happen? Tell us in the comments! And here's Gawker's response: "It turns out that you’re actually nobody until some other nobody sues you."