I've never been on OkCupid (I'm in a relationship!) but earlier this month I created a profile after receiving an email from a woman who said she... well, this is kind of difficult for me to talk about. Not because anything "happened," but because I don't want to spoil the experience for you. Yes, you. For a good time, you should check out Nighting_Gale.
So I'll skip the exposition. After creating my OkCupid profile, I was quickly contacted by Nighting_Gale, whose profile lists her interests as "my father's love," "hanging out with my brother at home," and "stretch pants." The only people she's interested in hearing from are those who are "not afraid of the unknown" and who "have experience operating power tools." Okay fine, what's the worst that could happen?
Gale suggested we meet at a cafe in Park Slope on a Tuesday night, which seemed perfectly safe because nothing bad ever happens there. After standing by the door for a few minutes with no sign of the mysterious Nighting_Gale, I received a text, with copious capital letters and exclamation points, asking me to meet at her nearby apartment instead. (OMG SO EXCITED! SEE YOU SOON!!!) Even though I knew the general boundaries of what I was about to experience, I was suddenly slightly anxious, and forwarded the location and details to a coworker in case I got shanghaied.
After a brief walk uphill I strolled past the doorman of a tony Park Slope building (it seemed he was expecting me) and rode an old manual pull-gate elevator to the sixth floor, where I found the door already slightly ajar. A sure sign of trouble. What was going on here? Things quickly got creepier when, just as I was about to knock, the door cracked a bit more and her face peered out at me from the interior darkness, smiling nervously and immediately chattering about how she's never been on a date and how excited she is and do I want a drink? A glass of wine was passed through the door as she unconvincingly assured me that my drink was not poisoned.
After several more minutes, during which Gale peppered me with seemingly unrelated philosophical and personal questions, she finally invited me inside, but instructed me to wait sixty seconds before entering and to firmly shut the door behind me. I obliged, even though part of me was standing off to the side shaking his head at the future version of me awakening in a bathtub full of ice with a missing kidney.
Thankfully—and despite the sudden appearance of power tools, considerable talk of surgery, and dramatic lighting changes—I survived the "date," and walked away with all my internal organs intact, feeling exhilarated. Nighting_Gale was a delightfully disorienting 80 minute... encounter, and if you enjoy somewhat unnerving experiences that blur the line between theater and real life, I recommend reaching out to "Gale" ASAP. Send her an email here, and if you have a friend with an OkCupid account you'd like to recommend for a "date," just let her know. I'm told she's interested in meeting up this Tuesday and Thursday night in Red Hook, September 2nd and 4th. And if you just like to watch, that's very much a possibility, too!