It's that time again—the end of the year, when you can look back at the 12 months you spent frittering away your time and money and swear by the grace of God that this year, it'll be different. This is, not incidentally, the very same thing that happened around this time last year, and look at you now. So, in the spirit of the many "How To Keep Your Resolutions This Year" guides out there, we'd like to offer up five alternative suggestions. They should be so easy to uphold that one year from now you'll be toasting to the new you instead of drowning your failure-tinged sorrows in a bucket of Champagne.

Drink Smarter: There are a lot of conflicting studies about alcohol's effects on your body. We're not going to tell you to drink more or drink less, but we do suggest drinking smarter. That means it's time to invest in a nice flask. Be wary of "NYE Open Bar Blowouts" (do you really think there's vodka in that jungle juice?). Shots of Rumpleminze are never a good idea. Be nice to your bartender and tip well.

Eat Smarter: Yes, you can have the foie-gras filled burger. You can have the liquefied pork fat ramen. You can have the egg-butter-cheese bread. Maybe not every day, is the thing. Try some of these on occasion, you'll balance out.

Forget About The Apocalypse: Just because the Mayans or Harold Camping or John Cusak said it would happen doesn't mean it will. Fuggedaboudit.

Kick The "Bucket List."Please. Just call it a "before I die" list, if you must. And while you certainly don't have to accomplish everything on your list this coming year, a healthy edit never hurts—do you still need to see Twilight 27 times knowing this?

Take A Bath: When all else fails, heed the advice of Woodie Guthrie. It is true that first you will have to clean the bathtub, but by doing that you'll have accomplished that annoying 2009 resolution your forgot all about!