At last, the world has bestowed a name upon the next generation set to replace Millennials as capitalism's prime marketing target. Introducing: The Founders, super-relevant television station MTV's new moniker for the mysterious Generation Z.
Hip-with-the-kids publication TIME reported yesterday that after surveying about a thousand children born during the pivotal Gen Z years, MTV has settled on the aforementioned name, overtaking other possible monikers like the Navigators, the Regenerators, the Builders, and the Bridge Generation. Apparently, unlike the dreaded Millennials, who refused to buy shitty American cars or spend $15 on a jar of peanut butter, the Founders are here to fix America, or something. "They have this self-awareness that systems have been broken,” MTV president Sean Atkins told TIME. “But they can’t be the generation that says we’ll break it even more.”
I am a Millennial, and while it's very strange to have my generation deemed passé by a television channel that airs the show Are You The One?, I have begun to go to bed before 11 p.m. and I recently attended a party in which attendees drank wine and knitted. I am quite prepared to start hating on fresh blood. Right now, the Founders are all sitting in silence on their parents' couches playing with their iPads and Yik Yaks and refusing to have any IRL human contact, but soon they'll be entering the workforce.
The Times will make fun of their youthful slang, beermakers will freak out about their refusal to ingest gluten, and businesses will hold company-wide seminars on How To Talk To Your Office Founders Who Do Not Know How To Communicate Outside Of G-Chat (will there be G-chat in the future? What about Slack? What happened to AIM, do you guys remember AIM?)
We Millennials have waited our whole lives to hate on the new set of insufferable children, most of whom have probably not seen Mean Girls and are able to use iSpeech without quoting 2001: A Space Odyssey. Perhaps our Gen X employers will finally allow us to join forces against these new youths, even if we only know that one Guns 'n Roses song and use "kk" a lot to imply assent.
Anyway, MTV still sucks.