This morning I was awakened to the incessant chirp of an alarm clock. Not my alarm, mind you, which was set to bark at me many hours later, but one belonging to one of my neighbors. I have heard this alarm clock before in some borderless dream state, but this morning the alarm went ON and ON and ON and ON and ON and ON, because my neighbor went on vacation without turning off his clock. Or he is dead, in which case I both apologize for this blog post and hope someone finds his body/clock soon.
I lay fuming in bed for two hours, having unsuccessfully attempted to transform my pillows into earplugs, not just because my slumber was cut short but because I will probably have to deal with it again tomorrow, Sunday, and maybe even Monday. A beeping smoke detector is the surefire kiss of death, but at least that you can rip out of the wall and toss it into the courtyard. I can't just break into my neighbor's apartment and smash his alarm clock to teensy pieces with my IKEA lamp, now can I? Can I? Can I? What are the rules here? Please advise.
This has happened to me before, but then, at least the alarm clock offender was my roommate, and her alarm was set to WNYC, so I got to listen to the radio on weekends when she was out of town without feeling guilty for not donating to their spring fundraising campaign. A beeping alarm is not nearly as soothing or informative as Soterios Johnson's voice. I can't beat the average on the Slate News Quiz thanks to the information conveyed by a beeping alarm. What a waste.
The point of all this, of course, is that YOU, fair reader, have the power to spare YOUR neighbors and roommates from this abysmal fate. If you are a grown-up with a real alarm clock that is not just the one on your phone, turn it off before you skip town. We live in close quarters here in La Belle NYC, and peacefully coexisting includes not waking your neighbors up at all hours, in addition to not throwing medicine balls on your apartment floor and not forgetting to tell your landlord you have bedbugs.
Anyway, now there's construction outside my window. I'll be drafting my "Goodbye To All That" essay tonight.
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