The Simpsons remains the best thing ever aired on television—it is our teacher, our mother, our secret lover, and the pleasant yellow hum in the background anytime we are at home (thanks to FXX's nonstop Simpsons marathon, may it go on long after we are dead). Considering the fact that I am an adult who contemplates buying silly Simpsons merchandise on a daily basis, it's no wonder that when my coworker sent me a link to The Simpsons Tattoo Instagram feed, I finally found my purpose in life (for today): to bear witness to this wonderful thing. You don't win friends with salad, but you just might with a perfectly cromulent tattoo.


The Instagram account has been going since November, with Simpsons fans from all over the world submitting their tats for possible inclusion. Some other outlets have picked up on the incredible feed, but we missed it entirely up until now, probably because we were too busy looking for our missing goldfish.




It's not just that there are hundreds upon hundreds of tattoos of Homer, Bart, Boo-urns, Lisa and Milhouse to entertain your eyeballs—these are hardcore fans referencing moments both classic and totally esoteric, everything from the heroic carbon rod to Kirk Van Houten's pathetic Pictionary drawing to Gummi Venus de Milo.




Do you recognize dignity?




I have never wanted a tattoo before, but now I do.




I have never wanted a tattoo before I considered up a moment ago, but now I want one even more.




Just like we always said: a person who envies The Simpsons needs help, but a person who creates a permanent tribute to The Simpsons on their body is a friend for life.




Make sure you don't go too overboard of course—nobody needs to have to 203 characters on their body. Or just go for it. It's all great.




Bake him away, toys.




I can't put every photo here in this post (Lord knows I wanted to), so go over to Instagram and check out all the other weird and wonderful displays of affection for George H.W. Bush's least favorite cartoon. Just be careful not to fall too deep into the hole like I did: if a social media account ever got the chance, it would brand you and everyone you care about, Billy.