If John Lennon were alive today, would he be divorced from Yoko Ono and living on a dairy farm upstate, drinking iced cappuccinos with a Vanity Fair writer who is there to interview him for a piece to be published on the World Wide Web? Well, that's what's happening here, as the magazine's online outlet visits with the former (current?!) Beatle at age 70. In the VF retelling of history, Lennon was still shot 30 years ago, but he survived, albeit with a few scars—specifically "various discolored nebulae of scar tissue that blotch [his] chest and back."

Their visit to a land where Lennon lives comes just before the musician would have turned 70-years-old (on October 9th), but his age doesn't stop him from getting naked—nope, during the writer's visit, Lennon drops his drawers when he's not running around half-naked.

Other things that happen in this fictional world: Lennon owns a loft on Warren Street in TriBeca, has an affair with Beverly D’Angelo, plays covers of Oasis songs, and voted for Reagan! This all just feels like some unsolicited insight into how this writer wants to frolic around with a naked, yet more conservative Lennon at a quaint dairy farm... while Mrs. Griswold watches.