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  • And the UK's next prime minister is... Brexit hardliner Boris Johnson. Summarizing his plan to remove Britain from the EU, Johnson said: "Dude, we're going to energize the country." How do you do, fellow kids?
  • How did this pristine, unmunched In-N-Out burger make it all the way from the West Coast to a Queens street?
  • Two committed carnivores attempted to "rais[e] awareness about the dangers of not eating meat" by consuming raw squirrels, fur and all, outside a vegan food stall in a London market. The children were reportedly terrified.
  • You may have been deeply unsettled by the trailer for CATS, with its impossible-to-square scale and all those feline breasts waggling at you, but T.S. Eliot—who wrote the poems that inspired the musical—may "have been most pleased by the aspects that disturbed viewers," according to the Guardian. A representative of Eliot's estate said the writer would "enjoyed the rich strangeness of the blurring of the boundary between human and cat," as well as "the nocturnal surrealism." 'Kay!
  • The Trump campaign is selling branded plastic straws for $15, because your paper snowflake Libstraws "don't work," but when it comes to his base, trolling the left really really does.
  • More evidence that the scourge of e-scooters cannot be trusted.
  • An Australian man crashed a van carrying $140 million-worth of crystal meth into two cop cars parked directly in front of a police station, in an all-too-easy drug bust a detective called "incredible, absolutely incredible."
  • "Perverts hiding in bushes" are killing the vibe at a Parisian nudist park, ruining the naturists' naked fun with their creepy peeping.
  • And finally, stay dry out there today!