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- Lawyer George Conway, husband to presidential mouthpiece Kellyanne Conway, wrote an op-ed for the Washington Post, and he got all his word knives out for this one. Conway calls Donald Trump a racist, and also: "a fool"; "asinine"; "crass and crude"; "pathetic"; "boorish, dim-witted, inarticulate, incoherent, narcissistic, and insensitive."
- A plague of land crabs on your house.
- Spanish police arrested a suspicious-looking man at Barcelona airport. The thing that really got them was not his antsy demeanor, but his weirdly tall wig: Turns out, he did not achieve his towering volume with a Bumpit, but by gluing a half-kilo of cocaine to his head. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Chicago authorities have captured the city's unofficial mascot, an elusive alligator named Chance the Snapper, and although we hate to see him go, it's probably for the best.
- New York Magazine takes a close look at Ghislaine Maxwell, "the socialite on Epstein's arm," and by all accounts, the accused sex trafficker's right-hand woman.
- We're all entitled to our own opinions but this human-sized jellyfish is way too big.
- Hey here's someone who may (may!) actually want Bill de Blasio to be president: Steve Buscemi.
- Peter Thiel, tech's foremost Trump supporter and the man who murdered Gawker, told Fox News that Elizabeth Warren is the most "dangerous" Democrat running for president.
- And finally, here's you hitting your stride today:
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