It's Thursday, and tableside guacamole is about to get extremely expensive in NYC so order it while you can. Here's what else is happening:

  • An investigation published in THE CITY found that of the thousands of landlords who've been accused during the pandemic of illegally evicting their tenants through harassment, only 39 have been arrested by the NYPD.
  • Subways, Broadway, gyms, schools, doctors' offices, restaurants — the New York Times has a handy update on where, exactly, you still need to wear a mask in New York City.
  • A handful of luxury condo towers in lower Manhattan that began going up in the early 2010s, back when people thought the Financial District would be the next 57th Street, are still sitting there half-finished.
  • Mayor Eric Adams said he talked to 100 CEOs this week to tell them that it's time to get back to the office already.
  • Uber drivers ranked the best and worst cities in the U.S. based on the quality of the passengers, and New York City was the worst, due largely to the fact that New Yorkers (allegedly) slam the door way too much.
  • The NFL has hired former Attorney General Loretta Lynch to defend itself against coach Brian Flores' racial discrimination suit.
  • Based on the fact that Prince Andrew doesn't have a job, only gets about a $300,000 annual allowance from the Queen, and has issues with debt, it seems likely that his mom (read: British taxpayers) will have to cover the multimillion-dollar (quid?) sexual assault settlement he has to pay.
  • Roblox, the gaming platform that's popular with digital orgy-seekers, is also attracting hackers who've figured out how to steal money from kids.
  • Nobody names their baby Michael anymore.
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  • And finally, a dog's gonna do what a dog's gonna do: