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- Congressman Elijah Cummings — chair of the House Oversight Committee, a vocal opponent of President Trump, and a prominent civil rights advocate — died early Thursday morning. He was 68 years old.
- Three students at a Maine high school have been suspended for leaving messages in the bathroom, warning fellow students of an alleged (and unnamed) rapist in their midst. This after a male student who suspected the notes referred to him told administrators he "felt unsafe."
- The Paris Zoo has unveiled a new and astounding creature, more fungus than animal, but really beyond our piddling human ability to categorize: "The Blob" has no brain but can nonetheless learn and, if mashed together with another blob, teach; has no limbs or wings, but can nonetheless move; has no mouth or eyes to see or eat food, but can nonetheless detect and digest it; and! has 720 sexes.
- Chicago school teachers are striking for a fairer contract, one that would not only boost their salaries but also mandate smaller class sizes, bolster support staff in schools, and strengthen protections for immigrant students.
- Spoiler, but, here's Robert Pattinson on the "ferocious masturbation scene" with which he opens The Lighthouse: "It’s always nice to do something massive for your opening shot, and I went really massive on the first take." Apparently he does this in a lot of movies?
- Ask Harry Styles for love advice and you may receive an enlightening DM — further, irrefutable evidence that Harry is Good.
- Cows reportedly need friends to be happy so BE THEIR FRIEND, okay?
- Meet the Sloth Bear, my new favorite bear, which always "seems a bit messy in appearance" and enjoys "hanging upside down from tree branches."
- Into the soup with you, seals:
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