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  • Don't you wish your fans, I mean friends, would celebrate your arrival anywhere with a full Water Cannon Salute?
  • An "extremely combative" South Carolina woman was arrested after assaulting another woman with sticks, throwing a live snake at her, then bolting in the victim's SUV, which she ultimately crashed through a bunch of barriers and into another car.
  • Turns out secondhand drinking is a real thing, and overactive boozing may cause your loved ones, even just people you encounter, vicarious harm. Which... yes, seems about right.
  • California's latest earthquake was so strong, it left an actual scar on the Earth's surface that's visible from space. Just your regular reminder that the Big One is coming oh boy.
  • President Donald Trump's recently proposed Chinese tariffs could create a Bible shortage, even a "Bible tax." Do you think that will upset his base?
  • Retired fighter pilot and Kentucky Democrat Amy McGarth has launched her bid to unseat Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who (her words) has "bit by bit, year by year, turned Washington into something we all despise."
  • Many people are calling for Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta's resignation, after Jeffrey Epstein's indictment revived scrutiny of the 2007 plea deal—orchestrated by then-U.S. attorney Acosta—that allowed the alleged pedophile to escape prosecution for a raft of sex crimes and serve just 13 months in prison (part time).
  • Serena Williams wrote an essay for Harper's Bazaar about that U.S. Open Grand Slam.
  • A teenage jewel thief is also suspected of stealing a 32-year-old (endangered!) lemur named Isaac from a California zoo.
  • And finally, never invite me to golf with you: