What does a now-estimated $3 million budget get a bride these days? $15,000 porta-potties, and modesty. That's what the Daily News attempts to argue by comparing Chelsea Clinton's upcoming wedding to other outlandish celebrity weddings. Ok so she doesn't have a "Swarovski-crystal-encrusted tuxedo made for a pet Chihuahua" like Carrie Underwood did, nor will she stuff "magnolia trees with white roses" like Fergie. She'll just reserve part of the budget for shutting down all the airspace above Rhinebeck, NY. Totally low-key.

Speaking of Rhinebeck, those residents not standing to make a fortune off the event are angry that nobody is telling them what's going on. Nobody has officially said that the Hudson Valley town will be the location of the wedding, though all signs point to Astor Courts. Mayor Jim Reardon complained, "No one has given us a straight answer. The whole town has been kept out of the loop." Though they have allotted $2,500 for extra police force, local barber Bob Gioffi says it's ridiculous. "This wedding is so secret that even the people who are supposed to know don't know. You have a better chance of figuring out who shot JFK." Watch out, Gioffi. They're listening.

One thing seems certain: Chelsea Clinton will be getting her dress from Vera Wang. The former first daughter was seen entering the designer's showroom wearing the brilliant disguise of an oversized sun hat. Her refusal to comment to reporters serves as a reminder that, up until this wedding, the younger Clinton has typically stayed out of the spotlight.