klosterman_large.jpgThe Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
Journalist. I moved here in May of 2002 from North Dakota (via Ohio). I live in Manhattan.

Three For Thee
1. You, CHUCK KLOS-TER-MAN, have a strong, solid name - a name of the Gods. When someone says your name and you're not around, does the earth move and rumble beneath your (and their) very feet?
I'm not sure if this is actually a question. (Ed.- Perhaps not a "good" question but it is punctuated properly. The answer I was looking for is: "Hells yeah, just like the gigs my high school metal band, Fortinbraus, used to play.")

2. I am envious of your career -- author of hit novels, senior writer for Spin, pirate-chronicler for Esquire, etc. Can I have your life for a month?
Would I still be able to check my e-mail? If so, yes.

3. In a battle to the death, who would win: Storm Shadow or Boba Fett, both rogue warriors, though neither pirates? And what song would best accompany the fight scene?
This is complicated. Boba Fett has a spaceship that looks like an iron from a Ramada Inn, so he might have the early advantage. However, Storm Shadow might use ninja stars, which is racist. What exactly are they fighting over? I sure hope it isn't drugs. ANYWAY, the best song for such a battle is obviously "Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe" by Whale.

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Time travel question: What era, day or event in New York's history would you like to re-live?
Three days ago, when I lost my scarf at Crif Dog.

9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing?
Last Wednesday at 9 pm, I was in an argument about what would happen if Batman joined the Black Panther Party. But this is the exception, not the rule.

What's your New York motto?
"... to a certain extent." This is because virtually every phrase becomes factual if you add the words 'to a certain extent' at the end of the sentence.

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
When I went to "28 Days Later," I thought I was sitting in front of Ally Sheedy. As it turns out, it wasn't her ... but when I mentioned this anecdote to someone later that day, he misheard me and assumed I had watched the film with the *real* Ally Sheedy. So instead of correcting him, I made up this big elaborate lie about overhearing Ally Sheedy talk about "28 Days Later" on her cell phone, and then I told this lie to maybe five other people, too. Does this count? Oh, I've also seen boxing historian Bert Sugar and United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan, and both of them were buying non-carbonated beverages (which says a lot, I think).

Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
I like it here.

Just after midnight on a Saturday - what are you doing?
Watching public access television.

Finish one of the four following sentences:
1) "Outside of his building, on E. 9th Street, Chip took money from Enid and...
immediately got into a debate with some semi-employed hipster who thinks pretending to be unimpressed by this novel somehow makes them smart.

Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time?
Lew Alcindor: definitively NYC in every possible way (physically, intellectually, personally, etc.)

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I found myself in a room with four women, all of whom had incredibly obvious breast implants. And it was a Kinkos. And two of them worked there.

Medication: What and how much do you take?
Everything is medicinal, to a certain extent.

Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
Any member of the Baseball Furies.

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
I think the bars should stay open later, and I think there should be more people blogging about the media. Oh, and people should be generally crazier.

The End of The World is finally happening. Be it the Rapture, War of Armageddon, reversal of the Sun's magnetic field, or the Red Sox win the World Series. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
I would quit drinking.