There's so much to take in with this press release titled: "Puppetry of the Penis Celebrates a Different Kind of Penis Artistry with First-Ever Penis Painting Competition." First off, in case you didn't know, there is a popular off-Broadway show in which men make origami sculptures with their genitals. They recently held open auditions, and now they're introducing a penis-painting contest, which will be judged by none other than Pricasso! Wait, who? Oh, just an Australian guy who's done quite well for himself selling paintings made with just his junk.

To be honest, we've never heard of Pricasso, but having checked out his sprawling website (maybe slightly NSFW?), we conclude that he is a genius. Of course the art is dreadful—even taking into account that he makes it using only his johnson for a brush—but we applaud his ability to carve an entire career out of something so unabashedly puerile. The Artist will be flying in to judge the contest finalists on August 24th, and the winner will receive a custom painting, of the subject of the winner’s choosing, painted by Pricasso himself! So get busy and do something useful with your dick for a change.

But one question: How will contest organizers verify that contestants used their penises, and not using some other part of the human anatomy (or, gasp, non-human anatomy)? A spokesman for the penis play tells us, "While it’s true that there is no way to verify with 100% accuracy that the submissions were painted with penises, Pricasso is the world’s foremost expert on penis painting and can judge the hallmarks of the technique quite well with his naked eye. More importantly, there is an implicit feeling of trust and mutual respect among those interested in the genital arts. We anticipate the overwhelming majority of participants with embrace the challenge and play by the rules." That's right, they expect all these penises to abide by the honor system, ha ha.

Below, a semi-NSFW video of Pricasso in action, as well as the contest rules.

THE RULES
Submitted works should be no larger than 8.5” x 11”. Paintings can be of any subject and in any style, so long as they were painted with a penis (if the artist doesn’t have a penis, the artist is free to use someone else’s). Participants are urged to exercise extreme caution when painting in order to avoid bodily injury. All paints should be patch-tested to ensure they are safe for use on sensitive areas. Submissions must be postmarked no later than Monday, August 16.

Please send submissions to:

“Puppetry of the Penis” Art Competition

c/o O&M Co.

333 West 39th Street

Suite 601

New York, NY 10018