2005_02_connery.jpgThere's so much to love in the story about Sean Connery's neighbor suing Connery for being a big ol' bully. Eye doctor Baron Sultan, who lives in the bottom four floors of a six story Sutton Place (fancy!) townhouse, claims that Connery and wife Micheline's renovations ruined the Sultans' special wicker furniture and that their behavior caused "constant noise, foul fumes, water leaks and a rat infestation." Or, as Connery would say with his Scottish burr, "conshtant noish, foul fumesh, water leaksh and a rat infeshtatshion." Gothamist is totally hoping that there's a Saturday Night Live skit with Darrell Hammond as Connery very soon.

The court papers also say, "Connery's appearance and behavior was that of a rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man. Cursing and otherwise using indecent language, Connery demeaned [Sultan], refused to lower the noise and slammed the door in [Sultan's daughter's] face." The Sultans also claim that the Connerys are trying to intimidate them into moving so they can buy the house. Look, Gothamist sympathizes with anyone who has a bad neighbor, but haven't the Sultans ever seen The Untouchables, the film that brought Connery his supporting actor Oscar? Here's Gothamist's favorite line from the film, uttered by Connery as Jim Malone, the knowing Irishman who helps Eliot Ness:

You wanna know how you do it? Here's how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue! That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?

Did someone say Chicago?

For laughs, check out Connery's official website; there's a gallery of his wife's paintings.