News broke yesterday that this year's SantaCon will be terrorizing Bushwick with its infamous army of vomiting Santas and elves, a fitting tribute to the seventh coolest neighborhood in the world. But not everyone's so stoked about the possibility of A Very Bushwick SantaCon: one City Councilmember is urging local businesses to refuse to enable the "Santification" of the neighborhood. Sadly, SantaCon cannot be stopped, and soon Jefftown's drainpipes will flow with the regurgitated remnants of ten million beers. We pray for you, Bushwick.
Though SantaCon organizers have already begun petitioning bars in "Bushwick" to open their hearts, doors, and kegs to Santas on December 13th, City Councilmember Rafael Espinal, Jr., who represents the district, put out a statement today asking local bars to keep the Santas out. Per a statement:
I understand the original idea of SantaCon was to celebrate the holiday spirit by raising money for charities and supporting local business owners, but over the years it has grown out of control and left participating neighborhoods in shambles. Bushwick is one of the hottest neighborhoods in the country because of its cool, low-key, diverse community, and we want to keep it that way. I think I speak for many of my constituents and bar patrons when I say that we're not ready for a 'Santification' of Bushwick.
I am urging all bar and restaurant owners to not participate in this holiday tradition. While the SantaCon organizers are promising an increase in revenue, I think it is safe to say that Bushwick is doing well without it. We should continue pushing for events like 'Bushwick Open Studios' that enrich the community, not exploits it.
Espinal told us that though he hasn't yet heard any formal complaints, he doesn't believe his constituents want SantaCon to stumble its way through the neighborhood. "I think SantaCon is taking advantage of the fact that Bushwick is currently seen as one of the hottest neighborhoods in the country. It's still a very small community, and I think that business owners, residents and bar patrons wouldn't be happy," he said. "We don't need something like SantaCon to come in and destroy Bushwick the way it is now."
And though SantaCon organizers reportedly promised bar owners that their establishments would be "FULL of paying patrons" during SantaCon's 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. run—though a portion of that revenue would have to be donated to charity—Espinal doesn't think they need the money. "There are great events that go on year round, attract many people to the neighborhood to partake in the cultural aspect of Bushwick and the arts that are created during the year. Those type of events are more enriching to the community," he said.
We contacted Community Board 4 District Manager Nadine Whitted, who was once again unavailable for comment. According to a letter Bushwick Daily obtained from a Bushwick bar owner, the SantaCon organizers are "partnering" with the community board, along with the local police precinct and parks department, though Espinal says Whitted was not aware SantaCon planned to set foot in Bushwick, and has not had a conversation with the organizers.
Espinal's efforts are noble, but this is most likely a futile mission. Even SantaCon's founder can't kill this Santastein's monster, despite begging prospective participants to "go do something else" last year. Is it possible that no Bushwick bars will open their bars to the hordes of drunk Santas, forcing them to hold the event elsewhere? Yes, it's possible, but we're guessing that somehow, on December 13th, Troutman Street will be packed with the puking, red-velvet clad masses. Bushwick, there is no hope. There is no salvation. Craft yourself a fort made out of all the glasses you stole from Tandem and stay inside until the very last Santa makes it back to Mamaroneck where he belongs.