Is part of the joy of reading the painstaking process of selecting a book, whiling away entire afternoons browsing the endless stacks at one of the city's cavernous and well-curated independent bookstores? Fuck no. Ain't nobody got time for that. In Brooklyn, we pay someone to pick our books for us. We have to drop the baby off at DJ class and hustle over to the Ramen Burger line.

Lucy Sun, self-styled Book Therapist (and actual business strategy consultant—and how!) is offering her book-selection services to the twitching masses for just $30 a session. "A book can be a life coach—helping you figure out where you want to go next in your career, your relationships and in your life goals," her flyer reads. "We'll make sure to find a book that you can't put down. I'll read it with you, so that you have a friend in the process."

Hold the phone, Sun. First of all, there already exist abundant resources to help people pick books—for free. They are called librarians, friends and your own, discerning brain, to name a few. We also have Amazon, which will alert you to similar titles to those you've found you enjoy: Customers who bought "If You Give A Mouse a Cookie" also bought "If You Give a Pig A Pancake!" That kind of thing.

Then again, maybe Sun is on to something—what's the good of living in a borough whose economy is buoyed by overpaid yuppies if not to capitalize on their helplessness? Tell you what. Give me 30 bucks, and I'll drink your damn espresso for you. Give me $50, and I'll meet Barbara for lunch and talk about your kids and speak in hushed (but subtle!) tones about your husband's vasectomy. For $3,000 I will move into your house and assume your life and you can sneak quietly away into the night, never to be seen again. Email me. [Via Gawker]