Babies can control neither their bowels nor their own limbs. They are, in essence, leaking bags of skin capable of little but emitting terrible sounds at sustained intervals. According to one Crown Heights-based DJ, however, "motor skills" and "bladder control" are hardly prerequisites for dropping a sick beat.

Baby DJ School is a real, live 8-week long program designed for tots ages 0 to 3, with the idea that children are tired of all the Mary Had a Little Lamb bullshit and are ready to expand their musical horizons into edgier territory. Classes will be taught by Natalie Elizabeth Weiss, a DJ who's worked with acts like LCD Soundsystem, Psychedelic Furs, Butthole Surfers and Das Racist, and whose own music has been described by various outlets as "refreshing and uplifting," "very catchy" and "hilarious."

Despite her apparent success (is "hilarious" a compliment?), Weiss decided to put all that aside so she can mold the James Murphy's of tomorrow through songs with titles like "Makin’ Our Favorite Beat Drop” and “That’s Why Daddy Loves Disco”:

Through singing, movement and interactive technology, little ones will be introduced to playing and handling records, mixing and matching beats and creating fun and funky samples using modern DJ equipment. Baby DJ School will encourage babies to love dance music and appreciate the way it’s made in a family-friendly, positive environment!

Why should children hear the same nursery songs underscored by the same instruments time and time again? Switch out a guitar for a sampler, a piano for a mixing board and a song about black sheep for a song about back beats, and you have an exciting new musical landscape that both young and old will enjoy.

To be sure, not everyone is thrilled by the emergence of Baby DJ School, which will be held at Crown Heights' Cool Pony starting on September 18. Commenters on the blog Brooklynian are shaking their heads at this new addition to the already exhausted Brooklyn brand. "Brooklyn used to be cool just because," wrote one. "Now its [sic] cool because you can afford to pay $200 for your toddler to drool over vinyl."