As you've probably heard, actor and occasionally famous person Shia LaBeouf was arrested on Thursday evening and charged with disorderly conduct for being a jerk during a performance of Cabaret at Studio 54. To summarize his meltdown: LaBeouf got drunk in Times Square during the day, posed with fans for photos, chased a homeless man for a bit, smoked and groped his way through the first act of the play, cursed at cops and was arrested, and uh, made up a song about being in jail.
We don't know whether LaBeouf has some serious mental problems or if he's just a spoiled, grandiose brat. Allegedly he wasn't on any drugs other than alcohol: "Drinking and Shia do not mix well," a source told EW. "But he definitely wasn't on any kind of drugs."
What we do know for sure: LaBeouf's meltdown was weird as hell. The Post has a pretty detailed breakdown of LaBeouf's Midtown breakdown, so we've broken down LaBeouf's very weird day piece by piece (in rough chronological order), in the hopes of getting all of this straight (and perhaps gleaning a little clarity as well).
1. Strawberry Margaritas, Agents Of Chaos: "LaBeouf had begun loading up on strawberry margaritas — at least four of them — between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m., while watching the World Cup at the bar at Iguana on West 54th Street, according to manager Carlos Mancia."
2. LaBeouf, Man Of The People: "By 5, he had taken up position down the street, outside the Three Monkeys bar. 'He was outside on the sidewalk chatting it up,' said a bartender there. 'He was actually quite funny. He was telling people to cheer up. He was taking pictures and videos with people.' "
3. Merry-Go-Round The Homeless Man: "LaBeouf chased after a homeless man — demanding he hand over a McDonald’s bag in Times Square...'He really wanted whatever was in that bag. He had so much focus…If there were French fries in the bag, maybe he really wanted to eat them,' a witness said. He added, 'He was dodging people and yelling, ‘Yo, come on!’ … He was on a mission. It was so bizarre.'" You can see video of it here; it's even weirder than that description.
4. Do People In NYC Really Still Refer To Homeless People As 'Bums'?: And this dude works in the publishing industry: "At first I thought the bum had stolen something from [LaBeouf]. But the bum was responding in almost a joking manner."
5. The Carlos Factor: How did LaBeouf go from signing autographs to terrorizing a homeless man in the middle of the street (and trying to steal his food)? Can we really blame strawberry margaritas for an entire personality shift?
Here's what Carlos, one of those fans who was hanging with LeBeouf before the meltdown, wrote on Instagram: "Shia labeouf giving a shoutout to my sister. It's amazing , how many media outlets reached out to me and my godfather for info on what happened to Shia last night. How do you guys go to sleep at night knowing that you kicked a man while he's down? They were trynna get me to say bad things about him but how can I ? I've mer a lot of celebrities and he's by far the most humble and down to earth guy that I've ever met. You guys make a living off of ruining people's careers and lives and it makes me sick. #shialabeouf #GreatPersonFollow"
5.5. This Is Just A Terrible NY Post Pun: "LaBeouf’s fry-tening public food grab was just a prelude to a far weirder meltdown to come."
6. Cabaret-Hole: "Within a half-hour, witnesses alleged, the actor was smoking a joint and slapping star Alan Cumming on the bottom from his aisle seat at the Studio 54 theater. 'When the Kit Kat girls came out, Shia was cat-calling — he was vocal,' a source told The Post."
7. Grope-An-Alan: When Cumming came through the audience, Shia sprung to action: "He walked directly past Shia, and Shia slapped Alan on the ass. Alan was in character and was very professional. He knew not to engage, and he carried on walking." "Shia was being lewd, grunting and yelling in a lascivious way, ‘Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaah,'" said another witness. "It was really odd and creepy."
8. If Someone Is No Longer Famous, Does Anyone Recognize Them?: "Once in custody, he shouted 'F—k you' at cops and tried to spit at them, sources said. 'This is f—ing bulls—t,' he railed. 'Do you know my life? Do you know who the f— I am? Do you know who I am?' the complaint against him states." LaBeouf also allegedly called a cop a "fag." TMZ adds that LaBeouf spit at officers as well, prompting them to put a face mask on him.
9. Jailhouse Blues: "Later, the star began singing a strange, apparently made-up hip-hop song, rapping, “I want to go out. I want to go out,” police sources said. He also paced around and yelled at officers who fingerprinted him, police sources said. “He accused the arresting officer of being abusive toward him … I guess, in his sick mind, he thought it was the officers’ fault for arresting him for being an a-hole,” a police source said."
10. Walk Of Shame: Everything ended with LaBeouf, decidedly sober-looking, arraigned "with a public defender at his side." He was ultimately charged with criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and harassment. Was this a cry for help or a cry for attention? Was it just a coincidence that the public meltdown occurred on the eve of the release of Transformers: Age Of Extinction, the franchise he once starred in? And most importantly, who the hell drinks four strawberry margaritas in the middle of the afternoon? This guy.