Gwyneth Paltrow is hawking a white t-shirt on her website GOOP for the price of $90 (+ $10 shipping, making it a cool 100 bucks)... but are you even surprised? She says she "collaborated with Kain Label, creators of the perfect tee, to create a version exclusive to goop. Inspired by tuxedo tailoring, we added grosgrain piping to the shoulders and sides, and shortened the length, modernizing this essential wardrobe staple.” The shirt is one size fits all, but in Gwyneth terms that means it "fits US sizes 0-8." FYI: the average American woman wears a size 12 to 14. Her GOOP collection also includes "The Marrakesh Jean," which costs $200.

Here, in no particular order, are a list of Paltrow's past on-screen characters who would not a) fit in, or b) be able to afford, or c) want these clothes:

  • Helen in Sliding Doors is a delivery girl for a restaurant in one of her realities, and would not have been able to afford such a luxury item.
  • Ditto for Abby in Bounce, who was a struggling real estate agent.
  • Liv in Duets, at least not until she won enough karaoke contests.
  • Michelle in Two Lovers, who was a straphanging Brooklynite with a bit of a drug problem.
  • Donna in View From The Top wouldn't have liked or have been able to afford these threads.
  • We would like to believe that Margot Tenenbaum would have turned her vintage coat on these items.
  • Lucy in Moonlight and Valentino was hands down one of Paltrow's coolest characters, and would have never been caught dead in these items, particularly because they don't come in black.
  • Rosemary in Shallow Hal wouldn't have been able to fit into these pieces of clothing.
  • Viola De Lesseps: thou must be MAD to think she'd be caught dead in this modern wear.