The first thing you need to know about this year's holiday tree slaughter is that there's a place named Florida in New York, and it's in this sleepy village that our tree has been living peacefully for decades. It's unclear what this tree did to locals that would have them calling for its murder, but when the topic came up at a recent sidewalk gathering, one neighbor passing by grumbled, "That tree knows what it did," as he shuffled along the sidewalk, gaze towards the ground. His refusal to look at the tree was determined, suspicious even. (If anyone sees Roger, we have some followup questions.)
But wade through the rumors and you'll find also find a convincing case for ageism; according to our sources, there have been whispers that the family was in the market for a new tree. A picturesque willow, or a few birches lined up like in an oil painting. Something more... Instagrammable. And maybe something that could support a treehouse? A recent trip to Home Depot would suggest yes.
But their loss is New York City's gain. After the Norway Spruce is chopped down on November 7th, its carcass will be strapped to a flatbed truck and dragged to Rockefeller Center, where it will be propped up like Bernie Lomax on November 9th. From that day until sometime in January, New Yorkers and tourists alike will delight in its rotting remains, tangled in twinkly lights, smelling of faded pine, and encircled by the ghosts of the 87 trees that came before it (you won't see these, but you will feel them).
Here's the tree's posthumous timeline, if you choose to partake:
November 7th: Chop chop chop
November 9th: Arrives at Rockefeller Center
December 4th: Tree lighting
January 17th: Removed from Rockefeller Center, and donated to Habitat for Humanity, where it is recycled and used as lumber in their building projects
We love the tree! Just having some fun here (our own tradition).