The decaying 19th century Temple Court building at 5 Beekman Street downtown—you know the one with the gorgeous atrium and the Gothamist House videos—will be transformed into a luxury hotel by Chelsea Handler's boyfriend Andre Balazs. (You can do so much better, Andre!) Balazs is famous for making his Standard hotels the hippest and sexiest place to publicly fornicate on both coasts. So the neighbors who live above the 5 Beekman atrium better get some popcorn and binoculars ready.

In a sign that there are still very affluent people in this world, Balazs's reps confirm to Curbed that he's going to buy the building and make it a sexy fun time paradise, as he's done in the Meatpacking District, in Los Angeles, and Miami—where the salt water "infinity pool" is described as an "adult playground" that doesn't permit children. In other words, utopia.