Hello and welcome to New York City. Today I'd like to introduce you to one of our city's crown jewels: the subway. A glorious municipal means of transport the subway and its siblings the bus and the ferry, can take you almost everywhere in Gotham. Literally from the canyons of Wall Street to the beaches of Rockaway all for the low, low price of $2.00 - even lower if you ride enough and purchase an unlimited Metrocard!

Of course like all great things the subway has its myriad "issues" - just try and find the Second Avenue Subway sometime! While it isn't what it used to be, it's not always perfect and so there are some good rules to know. For instance, make sure you don't put your bag on an empty seat, cause that'll cost you. Oh, and while you're at it, you best put your foot down too. And please, no power-tools.

So you know, we also have a slight problem with public self-pleasurerers and track fires down here on the underground - so a camera phone can be useful. And you don't even want to get us started on FISTWIs, that's people Falling Into The Track While Impaired... If you've been drinking please, for sake of your fellow straphangers (not to mention conductors), avoid going anywhere near the yellow line until the train has stopped in the station? Thank you.

Speaking of being impaired on the subway, we noticed this listing for tonight in this weekend's nonsense nyc:

***** Also on SATURDAY *****

Subway party

Prepare to partition doom from desire, delicious destiny from dismal
doldrums, blue skittles from red skittles. Leave the city behind and
let yourself be swallowed alive in spandex and joy at the third
semi-bi-annual-esque subway party. Join us dressed in your favorite
monocolor outfit (spandex attendees are pre-guaranteed ooooohs and
aHHHHHccolades) and stomp drink howl sing root toot and rattle all the
way from Union and Square to Brighton and Beach.

We'll begin by gathering our bodies, momentum and inebriation within
the spiral at the northern edge of Union Square (in front of Barnes
and Noble) and parade due south -- arranged by color -- and descend
into the earth at the subway stop at the bottom tip of Union Square.
We'll make some lovely music in the underground acoustic chamber and
then board the front car of the Q train and ride express direct to
Brighton Beach where everyone is invited to slip off their sweatpants
and into the ocean. Bring instruments, drums, noisemakers, kazoos,
friends, bathing suits, body paint, fine wine, cheap booze, unmarked
beverage containers, and, of course, your single color spandex elastic
fantastic outfit.

Union Square North
17th Street and Broadway, Manhattan
10:13p gather, 10:38p on to the subway; $free

So, yeah. Welcome to New York, kids. Go have fun at the "parade" on the Q train (that's one of the yellow ones). But hey, while your at the party? Keep your pants on, m'kay?

Photo from the 'Death of the Q Diamond' Party by Bluejake