The Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
Ill be 27 at the beginning of July. I write The Week In Craig for blacktable.com, and I work as an office-bitch to pay the bills.
Ive lived in New York for five years. Before that I spent four academically-challenged years in St. Paul, Minnesota. And originally Im from the lovely suburbs of New Jersey. Represent.
Three from Chris Gage
1. Jesus, you've immersed yourself in Craigslist's polluted, disheartening content for so long now, how do you wash the stink off of you after a hard day's work perusing those boards?
Like George Thorogood said: One bourbon, one shot, and one beer.
2. Have you ever met anyone who has posted a "looking for sex" entry on Craigslist? I imagine at least one pervy dude out there on the Interthingy has tried to contact you. Please paint the scenario for us.
Ive never met anyone (that I know of) who has posted a looking for sex entry on Craigslist. But a lot of freaks contact me. I pretty much get marriage proposals or death threats, exclusively.
My boyfriend is actually one of those pervy dudes who stalked me over the interthingy. He contacted me and told me he liked my column. I agreed to meet him. I got to the bar at the end of a 2-for-1 Happy Hour. He went to get me a drink and he came back with, like, six Coronas for me in order to make the most of Happy Hour before it ended. Most women probably would have been horrified, but I was smitten. Not every pervy internet stalker understands the value of a 2-for-1 Happy Hour.
3. If the Black Table crew were a gang (you know, the kind with satin jackets and duck's-ass hairdos) would there be a theme song that would play each time you all entered the room, looking all sassy? And who would you all be rumbling with on a Saturday night?
First of all, Id like to say that we would look extraordinarily HOT with satin jackets and ducks-ass hairdos. Were actually all REALLY HOT people, and the satin jackets and ducks-ass hairdos would just accentuate the HOTNESS.
But thats beside the point. If we were rumbling, wed enter the room to Wind Beneath My Wings. And then we would probably just wind up fighting with each other over whether or not Derek Jeter is actually a good shortstop or not. Which, for the record, he is.
Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
I played a few rounds of a drinking game with Ethan Hawke once at a bar in the Village shortly before he broke up with Uma. You can draw your own conclusions from that. Another time I went to Bar 9 in Hells Kitchen, and The Cure was there. The bar was basically empty, so I pretty much just stood next to them at the bar and gawked until they left. That was, um, pretty exciting.
Oh, and Sarah Jessica Parkers mom was my girl scout troop leader. Does that count?
Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
Every month when I get my credit card statement I think about leaving New York for good. But ultimately, Im too lazy.
Just after midnight on a Saturday - what are you doing?
On a good Saturday just after Midnight Im doing the Lambadathe forbidden dance.
What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?
My authentic Help! Ive fallen and I cant get up t-shirt is probably worth a lot on ebay. Besides that, my wardrobe is pretty worthless.
Where do you summer?
Wisconsin. Seriously. Im not kidding. That state is totally underrated. Anyone who has ever been to the Wisconsin Dells understands.
What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
Ive never been to L.A. I dont believe in California.
Medication: What and how much do you take?
Birth control and allergy medicine. You know, youve got to keep those pesky babies and that snot under control.
Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
I would have made a kick-ass Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. No doubt.
If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
Id have all of the pigeons killed. I cant even tell you how much I hate pigeons.
