Sorry, ladies, we have some appalling news: Maybe you thought your hard-fought war against pleated pants was settled long ago, but it seems reports of their death have been greatly exaggerated. In an alarming report on the terrifying "pleats creep" rippling out from major clothing labels, the Wall Street Journal reports that Burberry Prorsum, Calvin Klein, Dries Van Noten, and Gucci "are among the labels that made pleated pants a feature of their recent runway shows." And they're coming for your gullible boyfriend/husband.

For those gentlemen who've blindly obeyed their girlfriends' orders and long since eradicated all pleats from their wardrobes, Alan Flusser, author of menswear guidebook "Dressing The Man," reminds us that "the original purpose of pleats was to allow more fabric for when a man sat down." This was meant to make life more comfortable for men, and it did, but it also made them look fat, through a complicated technical process known as "ballooning." Pleats reached their nadir in the late '80s, when the sight of men in baggy suits with big puffy balloon waists finally led to the formation of FAP—Females Against Pleats.

After a lengthy campaign of nagging and shaming men at the grassroots level, the Fappers won out, and now even the most fashion backward men know that flat fronts are the fastest way to a woman's heart. About 60% of Brooks Brothers' dress pants are flat front, compared with 45% two years ago, the Journal reports. But all that could change, the paper warns today in its terrifying report—while everyone's been dancing pleats' grave, some labels have been hard at work "trying to make their new pleats less conspicuous." You could be wearing pleats AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT.

Even more distressing? Sweatpants—freaking SWEATPANTS—are still wildly popular. New York City, in fact, ranks seventh in sweatpant consumption, according to a revelatory survey that's been widely reported today by many journalists who—like this blogger—have decided to simply give up on life.