Situated somewhere between Tribeca and Hades is this two-story townhouse, which is currently owned by Alan Wilzig, the real life version of a Wolf of Wall Street character (he introduced Leonardo DiCaprio's character to his future wife). In case you're thinking "well this apartment may not have quite the right layer of 'douche" I'm looking for," the Real Deal points out that it may have juuuuuust the right amount of that: "Wilzig famously took to Facebook last year to rail against his 'nerdy' portrayal in the movie. He criticized Scorsese for leaving out the fact that Wilzig had arrived at the party in his red Ferrari Testarossa."

More recently, he posted this announcement: "Feel free to share this with your luxury real estate friends for anyone interested in a Manhattan super-residence." The home "super-residence"—which features neon lights, a white sheen, and a party patio—is now on the market for around $44 million. Tanning bed not included, presumably, but you may be able to keep this DVD, which was found next to a stash of quaaludes.

What else? An "eight-person hot tub, alligator-wrapped hand rails, a lighting system that bathes the home in different-colored hues, 550-gallon fish tank and bullet-proof glass." Why would anyone leave that unnecessary gauche luxury? He explained in yet another Facebook post (did we mention the home itself has its own Facebook profile?): “Tribeca has become so ‘fancy’ that it feels a lot more like the Upper East Side than 2000 when we moved down here. It’s time to let some hedge-fund guy who makes $40M every 6 months have it … or some Russian billionaire." [via Curbed]