Senator Schumer sent out a press release today regarding the future of the Jelly Pool Parties, which has been looking pretty dark as of late. Over the summer Schumer attended two of the parties, which he totally happened upon by accident whilst riding his bike down Kent Avenue on a scorching hot day in pants, a long-sleeve button-up, and not a drop of sweat on him! Now he will attempt to bring that sort of magic to the parties.

Still angry that a student accused of attacking a fellow student at Binghamton University is avoiding U.S. authorities by staying in Serbia, Senator Charles Schumer said the U.S. 

