There's nothing we love more than when Science goes out of its way to conduct decade-long studies to tell us things we already know, like the fact marijuana doesn't hurt your lungs, or women don't like sex because of supply and demand. Now, a recent study has confirmed something we've always known in our hearts: our depression is linked to our mothers. "Freud comes in to this," said co-author and psychiatrist Dr. Igor Galynker of Beth Israel Medical Center. "He blamed everything on the mother and it turns out the mother is absolutely the strongest gauge of depression you have." more ›

Instead of Twitter-crying about your landlord forgetting to turn your one wheezing radiator on, you should be thanking him for getting you ready for swimsuit season. New studies have revealed the existence of brown fat in humans, which burns calories "like a furnace" when the body gets cold. Look for Brown Fat Smoothies soon at a McDonald's near you. more ›

Good news for all of you godless, sex-fueled heathens: a new study finds that married couples aren't really any happier or healthier than unmarried couples who live together. Alright! more ›

More terrifying news today comes courtesy of Science, which is apparently closing in on perfecting lab-grown, in-vitro meat. Don't call it "imitation" meat—this stuff is legitimately animal flesh, but it was never part of a living animal. Have we learned nothing from the Japanese poop burger? more ›

Are you bored with your job, but enthralled by the mysteries of nature? Wish your days were filled with a few more dinosaur bones and giant squids? Well, step right up, because the Museum of Natural History has a golden opportunity for you! more ›

Why must science ruin everything? Just as we are getting used to the idea that red wine is not actually going to keep us young and healthy forever, a report shows up suggesting that "processed meat consumption is positively associated with pancreatic cancer risk." Sigh. more ›

A new study came out this week declaring that those with broken hearts are more likely to have a heart attack. The study is very sad! And it broke our heart a little bit, and now we are going to sue science when we have our heart attack over it all. However, if you really must know about it, the study (which was originally spotted by ABC News) says that "grief over the death of a loved one can cause a huge spike in a person's risk of heart attack," especially right after the loss. more ›

Further proof that science is amazing: Scottish researchers have painstakingly worked to recreate the 100-year old whisky that explorer extraordinaire Ernest Shackleton brought with him on an Arctic voyage in 1907, and the successful results are now available by the bottle for your drinking pleasure. How did they do it? more ›

Good news for rational people everywhere—those HPV vaccines that some conservative prudes were convinced were going to turn girls into skanks do nothing of the sort, after all! So go out and get your kids—girls and boys—the shots. more ›

Scientists in the U.S. and the Netherlands have created in a lab a "highly transmissible" form of the A(H5N1) bird flu virus—a deadly bug that normally doesn't spread from person to person. But don't worry, the army of the twelve monkeys aren't bringing a dark dystopia to us just yet. The Government is doing its best to have scientific journals not publish crucial information about the experiments that created the virus. And, despite fears of censorship, it sounds like the journals are seriously considering withholding the info. more ›

Bad news for the 65 million people who are on the express highway to obesity the next few years—not only will you be fat, but you'll also be poor, especially if you're a chick! more ›

More good news for gay newlyweds (and even the not-so-newlyweds, too): getting married is good for your health! A new study from the American Journal of Public Health uses the power of science to prove that in states where gay marriage is legal, gay men visit doctors less and are generally happier with their lives. more ›

The holidays are coming up, and with them come holiday parties, and with holiday parties comes booze, and with booze comes all sorts of studies about how booze is scary. Just last week, we learned that drunk people like to hook up at the aforementioned holiday parties, and today, we are told that drunk people, when hooking up, might have unsafe sex due to being drunk. Thanks, science! more ›

Much to the chagrin of anyone who's ever been dumped and eaten their feelings, scientists are warning people away from eating raw cookie dough, citing E. Coli concerns that pale in comparison to the devastation of not being able to house a whole tube in your basement rec room in peace. more ›

In a study that will come as a surprise to no one who's even so much as smelled Lucky Charms, researchers found that many children's cereals have a cavity-inducing amount of sugar per serving—some clocking in with more sugar than Twinkies. more ›

Gentlemen, perhaps it's time to lay off the laptops for a a bit, or at least, laptops on your...laps, if you have any hopes of going forth and multiplying in this life. A new study found that semen placed under a WiFi-enabled laptop doesn't exactly swim fast and furious after exposure to electromagnetic radiation emitted by wireless signals. more ›

Bless America, the land of wondrous innovation: scientists are developing a gum that might help people lose weight by suppressing their appetite while they chew. It's the perfect snack to pop while you wait for that pizza you ordered from your TV to arrive. more ›

Finally, Science is on the side of all that is right and good in the world, declaring that air fresheners and scented candles can indeed be irritating, and not just in the way that makes you mouth-breathe and feel skeezy inside. more ›

As you've probably heard, an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier will be passing very close to our planet tonight. Don't panic! Even though this is the closest approach by an asteroid of this magnitude that scientists have known about in advance—and if it hit us it would make a crater four miles wide and 1,700 feet deep, creating a shock equivalent to a magnitude seven earthquake—there is no cause for alarm. In this video, a scientist on the government's payroll explains why everything's going to be just fine, addressing humanity from what appears to be a windowless, climate-controlled bunker: more ›

Credit where credit's due: Mayor Bloomberg has a lotta love for science (especially magnets!). Bloomberg, who studied physics in school and was an electrical engineering student, laced into the major Republican presidential candidates' we-know-better-than-science stances at an international economic forum at Columbia University yesterday. "We have presidential candidates who don't believe in science. I mean, just think about it: can you imagine a company of any size in the world where the CEO said 'oh I don't believe in science' and that person surviving to the end of that day? Are you kidding me? It's mind-boggling!" he said. more ›

For a while there, it looked like drinkers had Science on their side: there were reports saying that wine blocks sunburns and older women should drink every day. But now, Science has seemingly turned its back on alcohol and the ladies who love it: a new study shows that women who consume as little as three drinks a week have an elevated risk of breast cancer. more ›

Put. Down. The. Pepsi. That's what good old Science is telling teenagers to do, after a new study announced a "clear link" between drinking soda and acting violently. more ›

Last week we learned that students in city schools would be taught about sexual intercourse and its implications as the DOE set one semester of required cirriculum for sixth or seventh graders and students in their first two years of high school. Thankfully, parents who prefer to keep their children ignorant of the crucial details surrounding humanity's most primal and consequential activities have prevailed: some of the course work has been cut. Specifically, the "risk cards" that were to be used by middle schoolers to explain different types of sex acts and their health implications. Thankfully, a dusty VHS copy of Showgirls is willing to fill in the gaps. more ›

Oh Nova! As if we didn't have enough worries about our food supply, now a lethal (to salmon) virus that previously had only been seen in fish farms has been found in wild salmon in the Pacific Northwest. This could be really bad, and not just for fans of bagels. Farms hit by the infectious salmon anemia virus in the past decades have seen 70 percent or more of their stock wiped out. In the wild, such a blight could be disastrous not just for the fish, but also for animals in their ecosystems (like bears) that live off them. What's worse, the disease wasn't even lethal until we started forcing salmon into fish farms. more ›

Nothing is safe! Stop trying to be healthy! Women, even your vitamins are out to kill you, so you might as well just go out and stick your head in a trough full of Ranch dressing while there's still time. more ›

Some saddening, if unsurprising, news from Science today: apparently women eat less when they're dining with men than they do when in the company of fellow women, according to new research. Ladies, get it together! more ›