Ok, be honest: who you would f---, marry and kill from Rex Ryan, Betty White and Tim Tebow?
Video: If Tim Tebow Needs His Cherry Popped, Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski Is Ready
Tim Tebow Gets Mani/Pedi...But Does He Have Pretty Feet?
TMZ spotted new Jets backup quarterback/meme generator/Carnegie Deli sandwich Tim Tebow getting a mani/pedi in Hollywood this week—they even snagged a picture of Tebow in the chair at MB Nails in West Hollywood. So it seems Tebow really does understand the way to coach Rex Ryan's heart—so don't be surprised if Tebow suddenly shows up to the team's first practice with a ridiculously ugly leg tattoo.
Tim Tebow Speaketh: It's An "Honor" To Be A Jet, Has Been Texting With Sanchez
Tim Tebow, the quarterback who can't pass, was unveiled as the New York Jets' newest addition in a press conference fit for a king (or an apostle) at their training facility in Florham Park, NJ. He told the scrum of media, “I’m excited to be on a football team that’s a tough football team that’s a physical football team. Hopefully by me being here we can be a little better, and I can add something to this football team." He also thanked his "Lord Savior and Jesus Christ" a lot!
Duh: Tim Tebow Wants To Be The Jets Starting QB
The Tim Tebow trade hit yet another snag—though at least this time it won't warrant any intense prayer sessions. Because of a procedural issue, Tebow is required to sign a rewritten contract with the Denver Broncos on Friday and remain on Denver's salary cap until Saturday afternoon. This of course just gives him more time to plot his Jets ascendence: sources tell the Daily News that Tebow actually did push to come to NY over Jacksonville. And that's because he sees a clear path to resuming his career as a starter.
Timsanity Begins: Are The Jets Ready For Tim Tebow?
Ultra-religious young quarterback/meme generator/metaphor Tim Tebow was supposed to have been traded from the Denver Broncos to the Jets yesterday around noon—but the lord giveth and the lord taketh, and due to "contract language," the trade was in jeopardy for much of the day. Repentant New Yorkers who initially balked the trade were left in limbo, forced to consider whether they really want Tebow—an undoubtedly polarizing figure who would change the entire makeup of the Jets offense, and possibly, culture—to come or not. All that's in the past now, because a deal was hammered out last night: Tebow is coming to NYC. But we're not sure if the Jets really are ready for Tebowmania: “We understand the popularity of any backup QB and this one is more unique than others,” GM Mike Tannenbaum said very understatedly.
Jets New Flight Plan: Players Want Peyton Manning Badly
We all realized a long time ago that it's very very hard being a Jets fan, but it seems the Jets players are only just realizing that fact now: after weeks of total disarray, highlighted by locker room bickering and woeful losses, the Jets have parted ways with embattled offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer. That might not be enough to satisfy disgruntled players, who have started to badmouth QB Mark Sanchez and publicly plead for future Hall of Fame QB Peyton Manning to come to NYC. Wait...does that mean we could corner the market on all the Manning Face in the world?
Jets Have Fingers Crossed Entering Week 17 Must-Win
As the Jets worry about beating the Dolphins, think about this: What is the team's best win this season? Regardless of what happens in Miami on today—when they need a win and help to make the playoffs—the Jets will only have one victory against a team that will finish the season with a winning record. That came at home against Dallas in Week 1. The Jets lost to the Patriots twice, the Giants, the Raiders, the Broncos and the Ravens. Do they even belong in the playoffs?
Video: Jets "Enjoy Each Other" In Pepsi Max Commercial
The woefully underperforming Jets and Giants have spent all week trash talking each other in anticipation of their Christmas Eve battle of mediocrity. We expect it to go the way Harry Caul put it in The Conversation: "One side’s just losing faster than the other.” But the Jets aren't just a football team anymore—they wipe each others boogers, they go to Broadway shows, and now, they star in Pepsi Max commercials together.
Rex Ryan Thinks The Giants Suck, Still Wants To Take Over NYC
After yesterday's humiliating loss to the Philadelphia Eagles, Jets coach Rex Ryan remained positive. Really positive: He told reporters today that Gang Green can beat the Giants on Christmas Eve, "I came here to win, to be looked at that way, to take over not just this city -- even though it's the city to take over -- but also this league... I haven't accomplished that yet. Saturday, I think, would go a long way to doing that. We have to win this game. We have to get in the playoffs, and the Giants have to do the same. It's going to be huge."
Rex Ryan Fined $75K For "STFU" Incident, Accountant Yawns
Because football is a dignified sport where only the most erudite language is used on and off the field, Jet's coach Rex Ryan must forfeit $75,000 for telling a fan to "Shut the f*ck up" during last week's loss to the Patriots. The fan had called out "Rex, Belichick is better than you!" as Ryan was entering the locker room at halftime. It's not clear in the video, but we're pretty sure that right after the fan yelled that, they added, "At foot massages!" Or maybe it was, "At getting fined!"
Video: Six-Year-Old Realizes It's VERY Hard Being A Jets Fan
If you're a Jets fan, then you already know that there's no substance in the world that can make last night's miserable loss to the Denver Broncos fade into the recesses of the mind fast enough. When Mark Sanchez is the worst quarterback on the field—not Tim Tebow, the worst statistical quarterback in the league—something is seriously messed up. And now this six-year-old understands the pain of fandom. His mother describes the video: "My 6 year old son, after being told this morning that the Jets lost to the Broncos 17-13. He was devastated (and none too happy when he realized I was filming him). Poor kid. Jets upset my son." Maybe the Bills will lose every game. Our only question: do you think he tailgates out of his Tonka?
Video: NFL Not Happy That Rex Ryan Told Fan To STFU
Last night the New England Patriots handily defeated the New York Jets, but the action that has the NFL upset happened after the final play. While walking off the field Jets coach Rex Ryan was caught on video telling a fan to "shut the fuck up" when they called out, "Hey Rex, Belichick is better than you." And now the NFL is "looking into it." Ruh roh!
Victory Feet: The Foam Appendage Jets Fans Deserve
So, it is a little late to order one of these before tonight's very important game, but that doesn't make it any less kicking. Some enterprising entrepreneur has gone and tweaked the inescapable sports icon, the foam finger, to honor our local team's toe-loving coach. Yes, people, the Victory Foot has arrived.
Ravens Run Rex Ryan's Jets Right Out Of Baltimore, Super Bowl Chances Looking Murky
Oof. Maybe Namath was right about Rex Ryan's Jets "believing that they're better than they are?" Yesterday the Jets were ripped apart by the Baltimore Ravens 34-17. It was not a pretty game for Gang Green, leaving the team 2-2 for the season with their first back-to-back double-digit losses in the Ryan era. Good thing we're facing the 3-1 Patriots next week?
Joe Namath Worries Rex Ryan's Ego Is Ruining The Jets
After Sunday's debacle in Oakland, Jets fans have been wringing their hands over Gang Green's prospects. And Jets legend Joe Namath weighed in on ESPN Radio yesterday, questioning coach Rex Ryan's tactics, "I think these guys might be believing that they're better than they are. Rex has been the only coach that we know, in maybe the history of the game that I'm familiar with, that keeps continually telling his guys how good they are. And they have been pretty good - pretty good - but they haven't won a championship yet."
Jets Enemy Bill Belichick Is Also A Roller Skating Pirate
The Jets have many enemies—foot odor, Uggs Boots spokesmen, the anti-snacktime lobby, "Moral Fibrousness"—but none more yellow-bellied and pox-faced than Patriots coach Bill Belichick. Rex Ryan has called their grudge "personal," and Jets fans have even tried to sue the Patriots after Belichick was caught cheating several years ago.
Jets Try For 2-0 Start Against Jaguars
Last season, the Jets looked anemic for the first six quarters of their season before a second-half comeback against the Patriots got their year on track. In 2011, they played a lackluster opener against Dallas but accepted the Cowboys' donations in a Week 1 win. Their Week 2 test is a home game against the 1-0 Jaguars, who have won six of eight games all-time against the Jets.
Jets Hope Third Year With Ryan, Sanchez Will Be The Charm
After two straight trips to—and losses in—the AFC Championship Game, the Jets are back for more in their third year under Rex Ryan. Mark Sanchez has played irregularly in his regular-season starts but has shown more than a few flashes of brilliance in the playoffs. Is this the season the Jets finally get to the Super Bowl?
Jets Coach Rex Ryan Believes His New Tattoo Means Something
So while Mike Tannenbaum was off signing Plaxico Burress and keeping Antonio Cromartie and Santonio Holmes, everybody's favorite fan of pretty feet and football alike, Jets coach Rex Ryan, went and got a tattoo. A really ugly tattoo on his right calf that has quickly been mocked up and down the internet. But what does it mean?
Could Mark Sanchez Be The Key To Bringing In-N-Out To NYC?
Mark Sanchez seems to be having a fun time organizing training camps as the NFL lockout continues, so maybe he'd like to help a hungry city out by putting some pressure on In-n-Out to get its act together and come to New York? He already, with coach Rex Ryan's blessing, got the beloved left coast burger chain to set up a pop-up stand at his Jets West training camp last month!
Video: Rex Ryan Tackles Sunsets On Colbert Report
Noted motivational speaker and snack enthusiast Rex Ryan turned up on The Colbert Report last night to talk about his new memoir, "Play It Like You Mean It." You can watch the interview below, including this gem: "You ever look at a sunset and say, 'I'd like to see somebody tackle that'?"
Rex Ryan Says Jets Are Kings Of NYC In New Pretty Memoir
Last week, we joked that with the NFL in lockdown mode, we were surprised that Rex Ryan hadn't dropped a vanity CD with some makin' whoopee jams. And while he still hasn't done that, he has been keeping himself occupied with side projects: this Tuesday, Ryan is releasing a book, "Play Like You Mean It." It's a quixotic coming-of-age tale about a bookish whippersnapper at a university filled with phonies about football. But it does have oodles of that unique Ryan wit: "I really don't know Tom Brady, but who wouldn't hate him? Look at his life. Actually, look at his wife [supermodel Gisele Bundchen]. Every man in America hates Tom Brady, and he should be proud of that."
Jets And Giants Both Kick Off On 9/11...If There Is An NFL Season
The NFL is still in lockout mode, and there's no indication that it'll be ending anytime soon, but we are all very desperate for some football news. Shouldn't Rex Ryan have come out with his vanity CD of sweet jams for makin' whoopee by now? Finally yesterday, we got some "real" news: the NFL announced the 2011-2012 season schedule, or as one Times reporter put it, "the worst tease in the history of sports."
Rex Ryan Compares Himself to Teddy Roosevelt, Babe Ruth
If you thought a little NFL lockout was going to keep Rex Ryan from leading the Jets to TOTAL VICTORY, you've got another thing coming. Because Rex Ryan carries a big stick, hits it out of the park, and never says die...or something. The coach said at the NFL league meetings, “They talk about walk softly and carry a big stick. I love that. I agree with that 100 percent. But I guess I feel more like Babe Ruth. I’m going to walk softly, I’m going to carry that big stick and then I’m going to point and then I’m going to hit it over the fence."
Jets Won't Be Back On Hard Knocks This Summer
Last summer, the Jets were featured on the HBO show Hard Knocks, which followed the team for five weeks of training camp—and between Rex Ryan's epic, profanity-laden pep speech in episode one, cornerback Antonio Cromartie's forgetfulness, and all the other shenanigans, it was clear that this was the Jets' coming out party. But unfortunately, HBO announced that the Jets won't be on the show this summer...but left the possibility open for something in the future.
Rex Ryan Pulls A Rex Ryan, Guarantees Jets Super Bowl Victory
It's been a long month filled with deep reflection for Rex Ryan since the Jets lost the AFC Championship game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. He's spent some quality time getting in touch with the people, riding on commuter trains and filming appearances on CSI:NY. But there's only one thing more effective at rousing the sleeping beast than pretty feet and beating those pesky Patriots: guaranteeing Super Bowl victories. "I believe this is the year that we're going to win the Super Bowl," Ryan says. "And the fact is I thought we'd win it the first two years, I guarantee we'll win it this year."
Rex Ryan Jets To LA For CSI:NY Cameo
What does Jets coach Rex Ryan do in the off season? Shoots guest stints on CSI:NY, apparently. Ryan, whose previous film work ranges from Hard Knocks to pretty feet, and Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum just shot a walk-on for the show in which they play themselves in a scene with actors Gary Sinise and Eddie Cahill. And from the looks of it they're having a grand old time (maybe they were just happy to be in warmer weather?).
Rex Ryan: Man Of The People, Man Of NJ Transit
Amtrak Joe has some competition. Some sports stars are content with taking limos to the clubs and sippin' on Dom, but not our sexy Rexy! Twitter user Monkeyslap23 writes that he sat across from Rex Ryan on NJ Transit last night coming home from the Knicks game. He appears to be sleeping, most likely having tuckered himself out from hyping up the Jets all night long.
Ochocinco and T.O. Would Love To Play For Rex Ryan
We've moved past the charred remains of the Jets' prematurely completed season (though we're still not over Boogergate), and have begun to look forward to next season. But there are a lot of question marks hanging over the team due to nearly half the squad facing free agency. And while the Jets need to decide whether to shell out big money for star receivers Santonio Holmes and Braylon Edwards, two controversy-friendly players with nightmare egos have throw their hats into the Jets ring for consideration.
Santonio Holmes: "We Didn't Play Like Jets"
Now that both the professionals and the couch coaches have had the night to let last night's Jets defeat sink in, the blame for the game seems to be falling on the whole team. Coach Rex Ryan said, "We played a good half. We just never played a good game," and Santonio Holmes admitted, "We've got to start out playing better football...We didn't play like Jets, like we were supposed to." However, that doesn't mean some people still can't be singled out. Fans and players are lashing out against offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer's poor time and player management. When asked why he was on the bench early in the game, Holmes angrily told the Post, "Ask Coach Schottenheimer what was the reason behind that."

