Talk about milking a story for all it's worth: police captured a 400-pound runaway cow who has been on the lam for the past five months. According to FoxCT, it took 15 people to capture Wanda the runaway cow at a farm in Oxford, CT yesterday. The steaks were high for those involved, who did everything they could to steer clear of hurting the animal, who had escaped capture twice before thanks to her deer friends! more ›

Six hundred thirty-four Brooklyn Students, one pot to poop in: the Daily News reports on a truly crappy situation at Science Skills Center High School, where the school has allegedly only kept one of five working toilets open for the past month. And it's left students traumatized: "It was awful—and not just the smell or the line. It was the pee all over the place and the terrible plumbing," said 16-year-old Kianna Cole. To resolve this conflict, perhaps the school could get everyone together and have a block potty? more ›

The New York Post is beside itself in reporting that the police are looking for a female who is suspected of robbing stores in Manhattan and Queens—while wearing a cat mask. In fact, the police sketch (above, center) features a woman wearing a mask. As expected, there are many feline puns: The robber "has sunk her claws into shoe and beauty stores" and "prowled" around one store and "got her paws on $86 in cash" after "pouncing on a sales clerk." more ›

The Jamba Juice at 5th Avenue and 42nd Street was robbed at gunpoint yesterday morning. The robbery was a case of (peach) perfection with cops arriving in time to spot the assailant, but not able to capture him when he fled as swiftly as a (strawberry) surf rider. During the robbery, two employees on duty were given a (protein berry) workout as the robber, described as a six-foot tall black man, (chocolate) moo'd them to the back room. He then cleared out the cash register and safe while he likely achieved a state of (strawberry) nirvana. Despite being armed, no (wheatgrass) shots were fired and the thief can now only hope for some form of immunity (boost) if he is caught. more ›