Prison officials in Connecticut are trying to crack down on prison inmates pleasuring themselves—well, at least when the inmates are pleasuring themselves to intimidate other people. According to the Hartford Courant, "Department officials say it's an ongoing problem at prisons such as the high security Northern Correctional Institution, where some inmates purposefully masturbate in front of staff, often female guards, counselors or other prison workers." more ›

Another day, another awful story and video of a man touching himself on the subway. Meet Monique Henry, a baker whose commute from Queens to Brooklyn and back early this morning got decidedly gross when, after transferring from the Queens-bound F to the D train at Rock Center this morning, "a middle aged hispanic man" dressed "in a rumpled, cheap looking suit, and [carrying] a Jet magazine" got on the train and sat next to her. At first she didn't think anything of him and started to doze off. So when she woke up in Queens, imagine her surprise to find the man had moved across from her and, well, this is what she saw: more ›

On Friday, a city employee was arrested for allegedly exposing himself to an 11-year-old girl in Harlem last month. Andrew McFall, who works for the city’s Department of Youth and Community Development, was charged with public lewdness and endangering the welfare of a child. Now authorities say he was masturbating in front of the girl: “You have a nice ass,” McFall allegedly said to the girl before fleeing. more ›

Chinatown buses are a cheap, easy way to get around the Northeast corridor, but man are they BORING. After the third replay of Ke$ha's new single we're searching for things to do. Yesterday, a Brooklyn man who decided to take matters into his own hand was arrested for masturbating on a Chinatown bus from Philly. "He was staring back at me the whole time," passenger Illiana Martinez tells the Post. "He wanted me to see him. He gave me a dirty look, like: 'Look what I'm doing on the bus.' " Yes but are you not entertained? more ›

Good morning! As we all know, it's important to have goals in life. An area man who calls himself Mister PeePee has dedicated himself to exploring the unlimited erotic potential of the Starbucks bathroom. Starbucks Gossip says this gentleman has made a podcast [since removed?] describing his mission to masturbate in every Starbucks bathroom in New York City, and rate the results. That's over 298 rub outs! So which Starbucks is the best one for self-pleasuring? And why are guys so gross? more ›

People living and working in Chelsea are raging against a months-old homeless facility on West 25th Street, which they say is filled with "mentally ill derelicts" who "masturbate and defecate in the street" right after they "aggressively harass women." more ›

Airborne onanism is costly these days! Alleged wanker Kyle Pearce, a 25-year-old Floridian (Go Gators!), was arrested on May 19th after witnesses saw him remove his penis and masturbate "to the point of ejaculation" during a United Airlines flight to Denver. An 18-year-old woman sitting across the aisle from Pearce told police, "I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis. He was wearing jeans tucked into cowboy boots... He told me his name was Kyle. He ejaculated & got some on the seat." Wow, that Kyle sure knows how to break the ice! more ›

With all the fuss over Rex Ryan's possible foot proclivities, the football world is dangerously close to losing sight of its favorite punching bag, accused sextual assaulter and sometime quarterback Brett Favre. But fear not, dear readers: thanks to those paragons of puerile journalism, TMZ, we have a new detail about the 41-year-old grandfather's alleged sextual relationship with former Jets cheerleader Jenn Sterger to stuff our stockings with. According to them, Favre wasn't satisfied with just sending nude pictures of his crotch to Sterger—he allegedly requested she send him a video of her masturbating. If this takes some attention away from poor, lovable Rex Ryan and his podiatric muse, then it truly will be a Festivus miracle. more ›

In a recent interview, James Franco discusses that SNL movie (it just got picked up for distribution), and yadda yadda yadda his favorite activity: masturbating. When asked about it, he says: more ›

Beautiful models don't get no respect. Former bikini model Irina Krupnik has lost a $10 million lawsuit against NBC Universal, the makers of Couples Retreat. In the suit she claimed she never intended for a photo of her dressed in a skimpy bikini to be used to help a middle-aged man with a "prominent belly" (Jon Favreau) pleasure himself on the silver screen. more ›

Lawrence Taylor face third degree rape charges for allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old (underage) prostitute. However, his lawyer says Taylor didn't have sex or rape anyone, plus the victim says she told him she was 19. Now, just after it was reported that Taylor would claim he only masturbated with the girl in the hotel room, sources say the girl's friend said something similar. more ›

Sources tell TMZ that football legend Lawrence Taylor will be claiming an onanism defense regarding charges that he raped a 16-year-old prostitute at a Suffern, NY Holiday Inn. The gossip site reports, "We're told Lawrence will not deny he was in the same room as the 16-year-old prostitute, but his lawyer will argue Lawrence did not have sexual intercourse -- an element of third degree rape. As one source put it, Lawrence engaged in a 'masturbatory act' and that was it." more ›

The allegations in a sexual harassment lawsuit filed against the CEO of a Wall Street investment firm are about as sleazy as you might expect after taking one look at this photo of the defendant, Thomas Anthony Guerriero. 20-year-old aspiring stockbroker Karen Lo claims that she was subjected to an "assaultive barrage" of pervy messages from Guerriero, her boss at the time, including a November e-mail "with a link to an obscene pornographic video containing explicit sound and imagery depicting male masturbation and ejaculation." The jerk-off in question was, Lo believes, Guerriero himself. Other creepy allegations, [sic] all: more ›

Around 2 a.m. Wednesday, one Joseph Boyd, 46, sat down across from an unidentified teenager on the No. 2 train, exposed himself, and commenced masturbating, cops say. The gender of his 19-year-old witness hasn't been disclosed, but this person was uncomfortable with Boyd's indiscreet onanism, and voiced an objection. According to one account, Boyd fired back with the riposte, "I'm doing my business, you do yours!" Lazy kids. How would they like it if Boyd showed up at whatever fast food chain they work at and barked orders at them? The situation escalated when the pair exited the train at the Flatbush Avenue station, and Boyd allegedly threatened the teen with a pocketknife. But there happened to be a cop nearby, and he was swiftly arrested on charges of public lewdness and menacing. At press time, it was unclear whether his business was ever taken care. more ›

A popular high school English teacher has been suspended after assigning his 11th-grade students a short story about masturbation by "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk. Greg Van Voorhis, 30, issued copies of "Guts" — which details three increasingly catastrophic masturbation attempts by teenagers with props including a carrot, a candle, and the water intake at the bottom of a swimming pool — to about about 100 students gearing up for the English Regents exam. That didn't go over so well with school administrators at the Bronx School of Law and Finance in Marble Hill, where the seven-year veteran was quickly reassigned from his classroom duties while the Department of Education investigates. more ›

As he sues the city to get his livery cab license back, Angel Bautista tells the Daily News that allegations he was masturbating during a 2008 cab ride are untrue. The News runs down the details: Apparently, a female fare—picked up in Brooklyn but ended up sitting in the front seat because Bautista picked up two other passengers from Queens—was suspicious enough to confront him, "You're not doing what I think you're doing," causing Bautista to reply, "Oh come on, I wouldn't do that. I can't be doing that. How can I do that and I'm driving a car?" He also explained his coat was in his lap "because it's winter time" and that he had tissues close by due to seasonal allergies. But by the time the female fare was taken to her Manhattan destination, she contacted the TLC and accused him of bad driving—"jerking" and "drifting off to the other side." Bautista suggested to the News that this was the result of absent-mindedness after a bathroom break, "I was in a big rush and I didn't realize my zipper was down," adding, "I want my license back." Still, according to the administrate law judge who revoked Bautista's license, four other drivers have been fired over similar behavior. Ugh. more ›

The police have released a photograph of a man who was allegedly masturbating on an uptown 3 train last week. A 41-year-old woman took a cellphone picture of the man she claims was pleasuring himself in front of her. The man got on the train at 42nd Street/Times Square at 3:45 p.m. and then got out at the 96th Street stop. And 1010WINS adds, "The woman says she tried to lodge a complaint at the 32nd Precinct and provide police there with the suspect's photograph but was apparently rebuffed by an officer who, according to the complainant, told her it was not a police matter and to report it through 311." The police urge people with information to call Crime Stoppers (800-577-TIPS), go to the Crime Stoppers website or text 274637 (CRIMES) then enter TIP577. And Internal Affairs is looking into the "not a police matter" part. more ›

Though undercover cops recently arrested one pervert, there never seems to be a shortage! Take this terrible story recounted on HollaBack. A reader said that on a D train this morning, between Atlantic-Pacific and Grand, "I was napping with my iPod on, and I woke up because I felt something repeatedly hitting and rubbing up to my arm. When I looked down, I saw an uncircumcised penis being masturbated right on top of my arm. Luckily, he hadn't finished yet. (Though the police mentioned that it would have been better to have DNA evidence. Ew.) I immediately screamed something like 'OH MY GOD, GET OFF OF ME YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER!' At that point, the man mumbled something like 'sorry' and walked quickly through the crowd to the other side of the train. I was stunned that no one tried to stop him, and even shifted to let him through. I screamed again 'DID ANYONE SEE THAT? THAT ASSHOLE WAS MASTURBATING ON ME!'" (Read the full story here.)The HollaBack reader took the man's photograph while he pretended to be asleep and reported him to the cops, but because he's still at large, a happy, um, ending remains elusive. more ›

Might as well check your trenchcoat with the Skycap, fellas; American Airlines has reversed course and decided to filter pornographic content on its in-flight Internet service. You'll recall that flight attendants had been pressuring the airline to block porn because they didn't want to police pervs who can't go a couple hours without pleasuring themselves to Edward Penishands or Sex Trek: The Next Penetration. Wired reports that Girls Against Porn has also been lobbying American to install filters, citing a lawsuit against American over a particularly nauseating masturbatory incident that, incidentally, occurred without pornographic inspiration. Of course privacy rights advocates are alarmed that once airlines take away the pornos, they'll start blocking other sites like maybe all the ones trashing American Airlines. more ›