Results tagged “masturbation”

A popular high school English teacher has been suspended after assigning his 11th-grade students a short story about masturbation by "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk. Greg Van Voorhis, 30, issued copies of "Guts" — which details three increasingly catastrophic masturbation attempts by teenagers with props including a carrot, a candle, and the water intake at the bottom of a swimming pool — to about about 100 students gearing up for the English Regents exam. That didn't go over so well with school administrators at the Bronx School of Law and Finance in Marble Hill, where the seven-year veteran was quickly reassigned from his classroom duties while the Department of Education investigates.

As he sues the city to get his livery cab license back, Angel Bautista tells the Daily News that allegations he was masturbating during a 2008 cab ride are untrue. The News runs down the details: Apparently, a female fare—picked up in Brooklyn but ended up sitting in the front seat because Bautista picked up two other passengers from Queens—was suspicious enough to confront him, "You're not doing what I think you're doing," causing Bautista to reply, "Oh come on, I wouldn't do that. I can't be doing that. How can I do that and I'm driving a car?" He also explained his coat was in his lap "because it's winter time" and that he had tissues close by due to seasonal allergies. But by the time the female fare was taken to her Manhattan destination, she contacted the TLC and accused him of bad driving—"jerking" and "drifting off to the other side." Bautista suggested to the News that this was the result of absent-mindedness after a bathroom break, "I was in a big rush and I didn't realize my zipper was down," adding, "I want my license back." Still, according to the administrate law judge who revoked Bautista's license, four other drivers have been fired over similar behavior. Ugh.

The police have released a photograph of a man who was allegedly masturbating on an uptown 3 train last week. A 41-year-old woman took a cellphone picture of the man she claims was pleasuring himself in front of her. The man got on the train at 42nd Street/Times Square at 3:45 p.m. and then got out at the 96th Street stop. And 1010WINS adds, "The woman says she tried to lodge a complaint at the 32nd Precinct and provide police there with the suspect's photograph but was apparently rebuffed by an officer who, according to the complainant, told her it was not a police matter and to report it through 311." The police urge people with information to call Crime Stoppers (800-577-TIPS), go to the Crime Stoppers website or text 274637 (CRIMES) then enter TIP577. And Internal Affairs is looking into the "not a police matter" part.

Though undercover cops recently arrested one pervert, there never seems to be a shortage! Take this terrible story recounted on HollaBack. A reader said that on a D train this morning, between Atlantic-Pacific and Grand, "I was napping with my iPod on, and I woke up because I felt something repeatedly hitting and rubbing up to my arm. When I looked down, I saw an uncircumcised penis being masturbated right on top of my arm. Luckily, he hadn't finished yet. (Though the police mentioned that it would have been better to have DNA evidence. Ew.) I immediately screamed something like 'OH MY GOD, GET OFF OF ME YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER!' At that point, the man mumbled something like 'sorry' and walked quickly through the crowd to the other side of the train. I was stunned that no one tried to stop him, and even shifted to let him through. I screamed again 'DID ANYONE SEE THAT? THAT ASSHOLE WAS MASTURBATING ON ME!'" (Read the full story here.)The HollaBack reader took the man's photograph while he pretended to be asleep and reported him to the cops, but because he's still at large, a happy, um, ending remains elusive.

Might as well check your trenchcoat with the Skycap, fellas; American Airlines has reversed course and decided to filter pornographic content on its in-flight Internet service. You'll recall that flight attendants had been pressuring the airline to block porn because they didn't want to police pervs who can't go a couple hours without pleasuring themselves to Edward Penishands or Sex Trek: The Next Penetration. Wired reports that Girls Against Porn has also been lobbying American to install filters, citing a lawsuit against American over a particularly nauseating masturbatory incident that, incidentally, occurred without pornographic inspiration. Of course privacy rights advocates are alarmed that once airlines take away the pornos, they'll start blocking other sites like maybe all the ones trashing American Airlines.