Mark Twain once told a reporter who expected to find him on his deathbed, "The report of my death was an exaggeration." But Mark Twain was also living in a massive house in Connecticut so screw him. 71-year-old Staten Island resident Margaret Arrighetti has been declared dead three times by the Social Security Administration, and according to CBS has been denied prescription medication because of it. When asked what her current status with the SSA is, Arrighetti says, "I will cross my fingers and pray to God that I'm alive." Cogito ero sum, Margaret! more ›

Last week it was announced that a new edition of Huckleberry Finn would be published with all the "N-words" replaced with the word slave. This news was followed by the announcement of a new hipster edition of Mark Twain's classic, which replaces all of the "N-words" with "H-words." (Subsequent versions may also replace "Injun" with "Eurotrash.") In an interview with Speakeasy, Mark Twain scholar Robert Hirst, the Official Curator of the Mark Twain Project at the University of California, Berkeley, explains how stupid all this is. more ›

Some people don't think there's much to debate about, but one thing is certain about the forthcoming cleaned-up edition of Mark Twain's classic "Huckleberry Finn": everybody has an opinion on it. There are so many varying opinions and angles on the sanitized novel—besides offering an editorial criticizing the new version, the Times let ten different writers and professors weigh in on the controversy on the Opinion Pages. And that still left plenty of room for others to stir the pot. more ›

Before the holidays, there was much debate about the appropriateness of giving elementary school kids poetry with references to crackheads performing oral sex. City Councilman Charles Barron argued that 'Huckleberry Finn' was more offensive, since it included over 200 uses of the N-word. While nobody may want Barron to be their Governor, it seems as though the publishing industry was listening: Publishers Weekly announced the release of a new edition of the Mark Twain classic, which will leave out the N-word entirely. And that hasn't gotten anybody riled up at all. more ›

Oh hell yes. Turns out we haven't heard the last of Mark Twain—the author wrote a 5,000 page memoir that has never seen the light of day, but is currently getting polished up for publication. He did this during the last decade of his life, and demanded the work not be published until 100 years after his death (which was in 1910). So here we are. more ›

After a parents of a rejected student filed a class action lawsuit, the Department of Education asked a federal judge to overturn a 1974 ruling that set in place quotas to keep the school 40% minority and 60% white. The DOE wants the court to overturn the ruling immediately so the 2008-2009 will be quota-free. more ›

In Following the Equator, Mark Twain wrote:

“In America the ice-storm is an event. And it is not an event which one is careless about. When it comes, the news flies from room to room in the house, there are bangings on the doors, and shoutings, ‘The ice-storm! the ice-storm!’ and even the laziest sleepers throw off the covers and join the rush for the windows.”

TREE LIGHTING: Earlier this year, New Yorkers Fountains of Wayne transformed Demetri Martin into a lonely suit living in Brooklyn in this video. Tonight the band will be rockin' around the Stuy Town Christmas tree. A reader writes in:I just happened to see this flyer hanging up for the annual christmas tree lighting. And what the hell is this...7:30-8:00pm, FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE. Seems like it's top secret, but there are flyers everywhere.Random! But if you're... more ›

READING: Dave Eggers has delivered two (out of three) great novels, and tonight he reads from last one (which is just out on paperback), What is the What. He'll be at the Strand discussing the book and he'll also give a slideshow presentation from a recent trip he took to Sudan. More info here. Friday // 7pm // Strand Bookstore [828 Broadway] // Free EVENT: We love a good pillow fight, and tonight there's a... more ›

Unnamed sources are telling the Daily News and The Post that a deal between the stagehands’ union and Broadway producers is within reach. The two sides have an agreement on the main sticking point, the dispute over the number of stagehands required for a show’s “load-in” and are currently negotiating salaries. As one source put it, "Everybody is confident we can finally get this done." There’s even optimism that some shows affected by the strike... more ›

A look at some noteworthy television this week: Art in the Twenty-First Century (Sunday, 10:00 p.m., WNET 13) Four artists - Robert Adams, Mark Dion , Iñigo Manglano-Ovalle Ursula von Rydingsvard – who explore the intersection between nature and culture. Billy Crystal: The Mark Twain Prize (Monday & Thursday, 9:00 p.m., WNET 13; Saturday, 7:30 p.m. WLIW 21) Billy Crystal receives the tenth annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor at the Kennedy Center in... more ›

TIP: Starting tomorrow Opera-For_all begins the first of three nights of performances. For cheap! The New York City Opera is selling tickets to every seat in the house for just $25. Over the course of "opera season" 50 or more seats in the front orchestra will be priced at just $25 as well. As for this week, here's the sched: more ›

Showing how divided its philosophies are, Supreme Court justices ruled, 5-4, to limit the power cities have integrating schools and placing students by race. Schools in Louisville, Kentucky and Seattle, Washington had been trying to maintain diversity by, as the NY Times explains, "limiting transfers on the basis of race or using race as a 'tiebreaker' for admission to particular schools." However, the majority found those programs to be unconstitutional and Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in his opinion, “The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race." more ›

Schools Chancellor Joel Klein offered his opinion of the Brooklyn school situation that raises questions about racial quotas set in place 33 years ago. Eleven-year-old Nikita Rau was rejected from the competitive IS 239/Mark Twain School in Coney Island because her admissions test scores were too low: Her 79 was lower than the 84.4 average score minority students need; white students may be admitted with scores of 77 or lower. more ›

A lesson in quotas and school bureaucracy for an 11-year-old: The Post reoprts that Nikita Rau was denied a place at a magnet school because she's not white. Rau and her parents hoped she would attend Mark Twain School - IS 239, a magnet school in Coney Island (recently reported to have the best Math and English scores for Level 4 students) but a 33-year-old federal ruling is preventing her entry. more ›

On Sunday we posted about the Bard Family being all but dismissed from their post at the Hotel Chelsea. As the interrogation spotlight continues to shine in the faces of the faceless "Board" that made the decision, a press release was sent out to explain what's going on behind the famous doors. more ›

A look at some noteworthy programs this week: more ›

Comedy Legends Live: The inimitable Carl Reiner speaks with Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Susie Essman. Reiner—comedian, actor, novelist and director— was a creator, writer and producer for The Dick Van Dyke Show. In 1999, he was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor by the Kennedy Center and was inducted into the Television Hall of Fame. Come check out a legend. more ›

Did you make it to any of the festivals we mentioned a short while back? If you did, good for you, and you’ll know that these late fall smorgasbords have been putting some nifty stuff on stage; if you didn’t, this is a great week to make up for it, as the One Festival includes some very interesting pieces – all by solo performers, as the name implies. The range is pleasingly head-spinning: from Ryan Paulson’s white-bread Pentecostal Wisconsin to Wild Rice, Scarlett Lam’s portrayal of generational conflict between traditional Chinese values and modern New Jersey reality, to Joyia Bradley’s Soul To Keep, which weaves lives of African Americans from the past and present together, plus four other shows, there are bound to be some striking performances. more ›

While we're on the topic of the Bronx, this week's classic New York trip is to one of the only mainland boroughs many treasures: Wave Hill. A gorgeous property in Riverdale with views of the Palisades, it has been stunning visitors since Wave Hill House was first built in 1843. more ›

Maggie Dubris, Writer/Hypnotist/Ex-paramedic more ›