Dude, you know what kids these days really need? Wines marketed in a language they can understand. Twentysomethings have their social media-inspired cocktails, so it only makes sense that a company would start branding wines with names culled from internet slang. Everybody, give a derisive welcome to TXT Cellers, the proud distributor of such boozes as WTF!!! pinot noir, OMG!!! chardonnay and CYA!!! shiraz. Basically, the bastard lovechild between of Two-buck Chuck and Texts From Last Night. more ›

While the McDonald's dining experience in America increasingly resembles a stint at Sing Sing, French lovers of "McDo" will be able to order a burger with a baguette for a bun in April. Who cares how many cows are in one patty if they're all united under a single square of crusty bread? more ›

Yesterday Jezebel alerted us to a wine for girls called Be., but it's only white wine and everyone knows white wine is what you drink on your period. MEN drink red wine, and therefore, men drink Sledgehammer. "If you want a wine to swirl and sip while you analyze it, best move on and pick one with a foreign name and a picture of a chateau on the label." Woah woah, "Sledgehammer?" Wasn't that an artsy song by a prog rocker? Sounds a little complex to us, college boy. We'll stick to our usual: Quern. more ›

Call your Bubbe, because the energy drink market is apparently going after a new market: senior citizens. Yes, that's right—now that teenagers aren't allowed near the good stuff, manufacturers are turning their attention towards with a more...refined palate, shall we say. more ›

Further evidence that Jewish food is having a moment (as if sexy gefilte fish wasn't enough): Manischewitz, the 123-year old Jewish, kosher brand best known for manufacturing matzoh and concord grape wine, is starting to create kosher food for gentiles. Yes, that sound you heard off in the distance is the collective rolling of a thousand deceased Bubbies in Boca rolling over in the graves. more ›

Drama is stacking up against the children's classic LEGOs this week, with some people plenty pissed over the company's brand-new ladies-only toy set. Why, oh why, would LEGOs ever need boobs? The new LEGO "Friend" set features five busty female characters in settings like hair salons and doggie daycares, going about their girly business. It's part of a new plan from LEGO to appeal to more girls—a worthwhile cause with a poorly executed campaign. more ›

In a study that will come as a surprise to no one who's even so much as smelled Lucky Charms, researchers found that many children's cereals have a cavity-inducing amount of sugar per serving—some clocking in with more sugar than Twinkies. more ›

Coca Cola announced today that the company is killing its much-hyped, poorly-received white cans. So much for saving the polar bears! more ›

Remember way back in August, when Abercrombie & Fitch launched a convoluted publicity stunt to pay Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino not to wear their clothes? Well, turns out Sitch didn't think the little joke was too funny, and to prove it, he's suing the mall standby for $4 million. more ›

Fast food chains are vying to make even more Americans fat by touting the contributions from the flesh-and-blood chefs behind the scenes at your favorite feeding trough. And Americans, lulled into a false sense of security by 75 grams of sedative-like fat, are totally falling for it. more ›

In what can easily be categorized as "inevitable," USA Today is reporting that pretty much everything is being slapped with the label "artisan" these days, because people hate themselves just a tiny bit less when they eat "artisan" Doritos and Häagen-Dazs for dinner on the couch. more ›

The marketing team behind Doritos is really going for gold this year, by enlisting generic, vaguely funny Everydude Andy Samberg to help with their annual "Crash the Super Bowl" campaign. The campaign is basically a way for Doritos to get publicity without all the hard work of coming up with their own commercials—instead, they get fame-hungry fans to compete against each other with homemade ads. "America" votes for the winner, who will have their ad broadcast during the big game. Last year's winner involved a chip-crazy pug. This year's winner will have to work with Lonely Island. Is that really...a prize? more ›

David Chang has worn many labels over the years: unapologetic meat-eater, egalitarian reservation overseer, aspiring storyteller, and now...model? Apparently, yes. more ›

Is Domino's having an identity crisis? First they admitted their pizzas taste like cardboard, then they brought back the Noid, and now they're trying the artisan hat on for size...sort of. The chain is introducing a new line of "Artisan" pizzas, promoting them with a pizza box campaign insisting "We are NOT artisans" (No black berets or wood-fired ovens here, no sir!)—they just have enough "passion and integrity" to trick you into thinking they are. The most ridiculous touch? Each box comes signed by the pimple-faced 19-year-old who made it, like some kind of Picasso print. more ›

There's nothing Americans love more than talking about themselves on YouTube, except maybe eating mayonnaise and things that taste like mayonnaise, and talking about mayonnaise, and mayonnaise more mayonnaise please. Kraft is capitalizing on our obsession with the fluffy white stuff by sponsoring the Miracle Whip "Not for Every Relationship" Contest, which will give $25,000 to a couple who makes a 60-second YouTube video detailing "how a simple spread can hold your relationship together," or "pull you apart." So it'll either be "it's a perfect toe-sucking topping" or a divorce story that ends with: "She got the dog, I got the Miracle Whip." Okay, where's out check? more ›

Earlier today we were alerted to the existence of a new dairy-centric ad campaign from the same folks who brought you "Got Milk?", only this time, they're tackling the touchy topic of women. Specifically, women and their periods. Thirsty yet? more ›

Well, would you look at that? Spirit Airlines has gone and found a way to capitalize on Weinergate, running this spectacular bargain flight special: The Weiner Sale! With Fares Too HARD To Resist. Get it?! more ›

Behold: this incredible label printed on a microwaveable convenience-store food product. Have you taken a moment to digest it? Are you amazed that this is really a thing that got printed and sent out on millions of cardboard packages across the country? Are you questioning your faith in science and man? more ›

Recently, City Councilman Leroy Comrie Jr. floated the idea of requiring fast food meals to meet certain nutritional standards if they include toys. However, his mission is being thwarted by...free will! In a lawsuit, Sacramento mom Monet Parham accuses McDonald's of luring children with toys, but the fast food chain says the case should be dismissed because parents can always choose not to buy the meals for their kids. "In short, advertising to children any product that a child asks for but the parent does not want to buy would constitute an unfair trade practice," they said in a statement. However, not everyone is buying it. more ›

Alec Baldwin dropped some sad news this week, confirming that regardless of what happens with the show, he'll be leaving 30 Rock after next season. But maybe that means he'll have more time to root for the Yankees: New Era launched a new ad campaign in which Baldwin is a die-hard Yankees fan trash talking with John Krasinski, a die-hard Red Sox follower. Watch the video below: more ›

They've dealt with the K-Rod controversy, and cleaned house a bit. They've got a new GM and a new manager. So now it's time to ask the hard questions: "If the Mets' logo were to appear on your favorite brand of bread, how would it affect your purchase?" more ›

According to a new survey, Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is the most marketable baseball player in the country. The survey, done by Sports Business Daily, was distributed to corporate brand managers, marketing and branding executives, agencies and baseball media. Jeter, 36, nets $6 million a year from endorsements, and was far and away the highest vote-getter. Also appearing on the top ten list were Mets star David Wright and fellow Yankee A-Rod. more ›

Kids: they love flashy colors. That's why when choosing an alcoholic beverage to buy with their brother's ID, they'll go with bright cans of "Joose" or "Four Loko" instead of boring old beer. At least this is what Chuck Schumer is telling the FTC. In a letter to FTC Chairman Jon Leibowitz, Schumer calls for an investigation into the packaging choices of alcoholic energy drink manufacturers to determine if they are attempting to befuddle parents and lure children. more ›

In order to keep off the shut-down list, Harlem public schools are using marketing and PR to attract new charges. The principal of PS 125 keeps brochures in her purse, painted her minivan to transform it into a mobile advertisement, and leads tours where she extols the virtues of her institution, especially its functioning pool. Her zealous efforts are quickly becoming a necessity, since competing charter schools—some of which spend $90 per recruit—employ top-dollar marketing firms to promote their good image. The Harlem Success Academy spent $325,000 on a campaign to attract students to four charter schools last year, reports the Times. That’s a lot more than the $500 worth of fliers run off by most city public schools, but you can't put a price on Success. more ›

Have you seen any creepy rabbits in suits walking around town? It seems Twitter is abuzz with sightings. We've deduced that there's not a Furry Convention in town, and neither Donnie Darko or Inland Empire are getting released on Blu-Ray this weekend... so our guess is that they're here to promote SyFy's Alice in Wonderland (which premieres this Sunday). That, or just to scare the hell out of us. more ›

After giving the impression that Snap, Crackle & Pop could save your kids from swine flu, Kellogg is reportedly "discontinuing the packaging of its Cocoa Krispies cereals that claim to boost children’s immunity." NYU's Professor Nestle said that the company had no choice, “They had to. [It's] too embarrassing and [it faced] too much risk of setting off the FDA." Which leaves onions to capitalize off the H1N1 epidemic. more ›

If you see a giant V in the sky on Friday, fear not, it's just the big wigs in Hollywood trying to get you to watch a new television show about aliens. Reportedly "The network is mum on where and when the V's will strike, but such places as the Statue of Liberty are under consideration. The skywriting will be done multiple times a day at each site until the series launch." Yes, television people, it is a great idea to "secretly" send a small aircraft spouting out gas over major landmarks in New York City. more ›