Results tagged “johnharris”

While the West Coast based In-N-Out Burger isn’t likely to be coming to the city anytime soon, another out of state burger chain has set its sights on Manhattan. The 4-year-old, Northern Virginia-based Elevation Burger has signed a “multi-unit franchising deal” with local business partners Fabian Rosario and John Harris. The franchise is frequently compared to Five Guys, so it might be speculated that the business will grow just as fast here: two years ago—almost to the day—there was only one Five Guys in New York; there are currently eight in the five boroughs and about a gazillion more scattered in the suburbs like chargrilled fallout.

Onion writer John Harris (pictured) is trying to sell an unspecified joke on eBay because he "can't find a contextual home" for it. The punchline is that bids have already soared to $365, despite his self-effacing sales pitch: "To be fair, it's less of a joke and more of a dated, Capote-esque cocktail party bon mot, but decidedly more feeble. The best one can reasonably expect from this item is a self-satisfied chuckle, such as can be observed issuing from someone wearing a turtleneck while reading the Harper's Index. If that didn't make you barf, please continue reading. The item in question will be clearly hand-printed on a 3x5 index card and mailed to the winning bidder upon receipt of payment. It has never been used, and the buyer assumes all responsibility for any consequences that might stem from sharing this joke, including the dissolution of friendships and romantic relationships due to loss of respect." [Via The Comic's Comic]