According to debunked doomsday prognosticator Harold Camping, tomorrow is the Rapture...again. Camping knows you doubt him, since no heathens burst into flames in 1994 or on May 21, which was his last prediction for Judgment Day 2011: Turn Off The Dark. But Camping assures that it'll happen this time—albeit "very very quietly," perhaps SO quietly you don't even notice anything happened at all. But instead of viewing all this cynically, maybe there's a half-glass-full way to appreciate our impending doom; after all, how many times in one life can you say for sure you know you only have one day to live?
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Results tagged “haroldcamping”
What Will You Do The Day Before The Rapture Wipes Us Out?
The Rapture Always Rings Twice: Apocalypse Only 9 Days Away!
We've all become so enraptured with Occupy Wall Street and Beyonce's baby bump conspiracy that we've lost track of the most important non-news story of the year: our impending doom! But fresh off a stroke, debunked doomsday prognosticator Harold Camping is back to remind us that Judgment Day 2011: I Know What You Raptured Last Spring is only nine days away on October 21st. Since there are no billboards or Rapture mobiles to guide us this time, let's get all the lowdown straight from the Rapturologist's mouth.
Rapture Forecaster Harold Camping Suffers Stroke
It was only three weeks ago that Judgment Day came a-knockin', the righteous ascended to the heavens, and the rest of us were forced to contemplate our last months on Earth. Who would have thought hell would be filled with so many topless photos of Anthony Weiner! Except, of course, none of that came to be (except for the Weiner junk), and we're all still here. Now, Rapturologist Harold Camping has been struck with a decidedly earthbound ailment: Camping has been hospitalized after suffering a stroke on Thursday night.
Queens Woman Leaves Life Savings To Failed Doomsday "Prophet" Harold Camping
Queens woman Doris Schmitt has left her life savings of a quarter-million dollars to Harold Camping's Christian media company Family Radio; yes, the man who predicted the world would end on May 21st (and otherwise a complete stranger to Schmitt). The 78-year-old woman, a widow, died alone in her Rosedale home a year prior to the doomsday date of May 21st.
Saturday Rapture Was "Invisible Judgment Day," Real Doomsday In October
Yesterday, "flabbergasted" Rapture predictor Harold Camping returned to his radio show to explain Saturday's anti-climax. Camping, as you may have heard, had predicted that the world would come to an end on Saturday at 6 p.m. everywhere. But just because you were able to blissfully fall asleep on the couch waiting for SNL last weekend doesn't mean we've been spared. What went down Saturday, Camping explains, was an "invisible judgment day... We know from the Bible God brought judgment day to bear on the whole world. And it will continue right up to October 21, 2011, and at that time the whole world will be destroyed."
Rapture Forecaster "Flabbergasted," But Mark Your Calendar For October 21st!
Debunked doomsday prognosticator Harold Camping finally answered the door of his compound last night to sheepishly acknowledge that the apocalypse was late. Harold Camping, the 89-year-old fundamentalist radio preacher who erroneously predicted that the Rapture would happen Saturday night at 6 p.m., told a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle that he was "flabbergasted" the Rapture didn't happen. "It has been a really tough weekend," said Camping. Aw, it seems a Nelson "HA HA, life goes on!" is in order:
Rapture Hangover: Can Harold Camping Come Out To Play?
Yesterday, even as frogs weren't raining from the heavens, locusts weren't swarming the subways, and earthquakes weren't sending cities crashing into the oceans, we still held out a little hope that we'd wake up to some sort of biblical fury today. Maybe just a little pestilence? Alas, the Apocalypse was a no-show yet again, leaving only sad, confused believers to be mocked in Times Square: "I don't understand why nothing is happening. It's not a mistake. I did what I had to do. I did what the Bible said," said an exasperated Robert Fitzpatrick, the retired MTA worker who spent all of his money to publicize Judgment Day, at 6 p.m. in Times Square yesterday, as onlookers laughed at him. Watch a sad video of the confrontation below:
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