Last night, Americans were treated to yet another Republican primary debate—and besides the usual blather there were some highlights, including Rep. Ron Paul calling Rick Santorum "a fake," and Santorum claiming Mitt Romney had adopted Occupy Wall Street rhetoric. But the highlight of the night for us was during Romney's opening remarks, when he misquoted our favorite curmudgeonly New Yorker, George Costanza: "What's the George Costanza line? When they're applauding, you sit down..."
Video: Mitt Romney Misquotes George Costanza
George Costanza's Mysterious Hair Growth Explained!
George Costanza's inexplicable betrayal of the bald community has been explained! After photos of his new hair popped up in a hard-hitting TMZ report over the weekend, actor Jason Alexander found himself in the center of a flurry of media attention. Now, Alexander has written the single longest Twitter message we've ever seen in order to clear up this whole mystery today. And the shrubbery now appearing on his head is...a semi-permanent hairpiece (see the whole explanation below).
TMZ Investigates George Costanza's Mysterious Hair Restoration
In their biggest scoop since learning that Matthew Fox was detained for punching a vagina, TMZ has broken open the story of Jason Alexander's mysterious hair restoration. Is this a massive betrayal of the bald community? Does this count as a hate crime? Let's all keep some perspective here: as Larry David, official spokesman and poet emeritus of the bald, so eloquently put it in an interview with Huffington Post, it's hard out there for a bald brother, so cut him some slack: "Most actors don't let themselves get bald. They get transplants or weaves or something. When's the last time you saw a bald president? There'll be a woman and a Jewish president and maybe even a Muslim president before a bald president."
Man Attempts To Play Real-Life Frogger, A La Costanza
Not everyone in the US is as obsessed with the snowpocalyptic Boxing Day Blizzard as we are. Some people are just going about their normal, regular, everyday lives, such as a 23-year-old man from South Carolina who was hit by an SUV while trying to play a real-life version of the arcade classic Frogger.
Science Proves Costanza Wrong on Double Dipping
A study to be published later this year in the Journal of Food Safety proves that George Costanza’s cavalier method of double dipping his chip is, in fact, “like putting your whole mouth right in the dip.” For those who may have missed the Seinfeld episode or somehow not seen it reenacted at every party serving dip since it aired in 1993, we’ve posted the scene below. Suffice it to say that Costanza’s preferred dipping style involves dipping his chip in dip, taking a bite, and then going back for more dip with the half-eaten chip.
Flight Plans of the Damned
When it comes to driving routes for a JFK airport pickup, George Costanza advocates taking the Grand Central to the Van Wyck, deriding Kramer’s L.I.E. route as a “suicide mission.” In the current New York Magazine cover story, “How to Escape Airport Hell”, the editors invited chauffeur Kevin Sullivan to weigh in. While he comes down squarely on Costanza’s side, he also shares some invaluable alternative routes to all three airports in the unlikely...
Hand Model Sues Over "Faulty" Door
wear kitchen mitts or baseball mitts to protect their hands when they're not on the job! Because a hand model is suing a Midtown apartment building for $1 million after a door slammed into her moneymaker - her right hand.
(Soup) Nazi Invades Greenpoint
Blimpies, Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins, and Starbucks. All these chains have popped up in Greenpoint along Manhattan Avenue since last year. Today, Manhattan Ave. gets an Original Soup Man (aka the Soup Nazi). Gothamist stopped in to sample the wares and went with a bowl of the lobster bisque. We didn't even have to ask for bread, as the franchises seem to give you bread and a choice of fruit for free (sorry, George Costanza). On the downside, the soup was salty and expensive at $9.95 +tax. While pricing like that might fly in midtown Manhattan, it seemed somewhat outrageous for Greenpoint.
Map of the Day: Worst Places to Take a Dump
In the tradition of "There's a website for everything" (and also file under "scatological"), there is a site called Worst Places to Take a Dump, which tackles the worst places to take a dump in the city. Here is the site's mission:
George Costanza famously claimed to know of all the best toilets in the city; I know the worst. This photoblog documents the breadth of my knowledge, and features a Google Maps mashup to guide eccentric tourists. Please take the time to comment on the bathrooms you would least like to take your dumps in, and the losingest toilet will be honored accordingly. I would love to hear from anyone who has documented more of New York’s worst lavatorial phenomena, as I am only one man; I can only attempt to void my bowels in so many terrible places. All chosen submissions will, of course, receive due attribution.The site has a handful of locations so far. And even though it's not for the faint of heart, we look forward to pictures from subways, buses, and apartment building halls being posted as well. Who knows, maybe the soon-to-come Charmin potty in Times Square will be added. [Via Trip Cart - thanks!]
Not Really Naked Superhero Costumes Problematic
We cannot resist stories that involve superheroes wearing briefs or high school antics, even if they take place in Long Island. So: Three Long Beach High School seniors caught the ire of principal Nicholas Restivo yesterday when they celebrated "Superhero Day." In the tradition of many a high school, there's a Senior Week where seniors have dress up and do silly things, and Long Beach has a "Superhero Day," in addition to "Nerd Day" and "Pirate Day." (It's called a senior slump for a reason!) Newsday reports:
At the root of the clash was Captain Underpants, chubby superhero star of popular children's books in which he battles talking toilets and foes such as Professor Poopypants.more ›
$200,000 Bathroom For Everyone!
Gothamist loves stories about public bathrooms, so we got a kick out of today's NY Times feature on the two month, two-hundred grand restoration of Bryant Park's beautiful public bathroom. The bathroom, built in 1907, reopened today, and boy, does it sound amazing:
The Baths of Caracalla it is not, but the new interior has grand 10-foot coffered ceilings, mosaic tiles, a crown molding of painted wood, illumination from brushed stainless-steel wall sconces, indirect cove lighting, a wainscoting of mosaic vines and flowers, mirrors framed in cherry wood and, yes, sinks and a baby-changing table capped with Bianco Verde marble from India.more ›
CAD Monkey Alert! You Could Be the Next Bachelor
Do you love AutoCad, have a fondness for Architectural Record, drafting tables, and fun architectural renderings? If so, you could be The Bachelor on ABC's reality love show. But not all architects need apply, ABC has a specific idea in mind: "Basically we are searching for a 27-33 year old single, handsome, successful, charismatic guy who would like to be whisked away to an exotic, tropical location dating 25 beautiful girls." We assume that George Costanza and those sporting Le Corbusier-like glasses need not apply. Hmmm...at 27-33, aren't most architects still "paying their dues" in the field? It might be kind of hard to find a "successful" architect, no? Unless of course success is graduating from the ramen for dinner lifestyle.
Extra, Extra
- Scott Harper, the dude who fell into the netting behind home plate at Yankee Stadium, was arrested for possession of marijuana - yes, that totally fits
The Burger Joint, Fresh Beef and Bosco
Over the weekend Gothamist had a chance to go to The Burger Joint on 3rd Avenue, which shouldn't be confused with Burger Joint at Le Parker Meridian. Burger Joint is a no frills burger stop with very few options in the way of toppings - cheese and grilled onions. The burgers are almost slider size (think a little bigger than White Castle), so one might not be enough if you're hungry, but four might be too many (we speak from experience).
Britney Spears: The Marrying Kind
Of course, Uncle Grambo at Whatevs.org has detailed thoughts on the marriage, including a link to the wedding license. He also notes the George Costanza connection, in spite of the media's attempt to cover it up by naming the groom's full name, "Jason Allen Alexander."
Yankee Staffer Charged with Battery
The traveling secretary of the Yankees got into a fight with a security guard at U.S. Cellular Field (apparently that's the Chicago White Sox's stadium) after the Yankees clinched the A.L. East title. David Szen, 51, was charged with misdemeanor battery; the Post says it was over whether or not a TV crew could film the Yankees celebration. Of course, Gothamist recalled that George Costanza was the Yankees' assistant to the traveling secretary and we are sure George would have run like a girl from the confrontation. Or he would have been the evil mastermind behind it, in order to become the traveling secretary.

